What do you do when you have a baby and your being shot by a terrorist. You use the baby as a shield.

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A man was about to be assassinated. The assassin said "do you have any last wishes? The man said he wished that a meteor would fly down and kill the assassin. A meteor actually did come down but that was predicted years back. The meteor fell on the assassin and killed him, the man, and any living thing aboveground on Earth.

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Why did the man drive a van? So he could keep the stuff he stole.

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What did the lady say to the boy who's parents just died? Haha, your parents just died.

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A leper sees that a woman has dropped a bag of groceries on the sidewalk. "Hey ma'am, can I give you a HAND?" asks the leper. "No thank you, sir. I can manage." replies the woman. "That's a relief," laughs the leper, shyly. "I am quite weak due to leprocy."

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A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says 'Why the long face?' The horse says 'My alcoholism is destroying my family.'

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What kind of pizzas did they last order at the World Trade Center? Pepperoni

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What do you call a group of black people in a lamboghini..... Unlikely

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How do you have se with hellen keller? Very sweetly

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today in aa we were telling stories one of them was: that a girl put a wet cat (to dry it) in the oven

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Whats black and blue and red all over? A housewife that was recently abused by her alcoholic wife. (from will c. and jack f.)

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Why is the sky blue? You like men.

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What did the monkey say to the newlywed couple? Eiiiiijajajaajaja EIIIIJAAAA

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Two peanuts were walking down the street..........pepper.

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Q: what's worse than getting the flu? A: getting cancer

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ah-ah. the proper response to an anti joke.

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Why was the mushroom invited to the party? Because the party was a rave and some mushrooms are know to make the consumer of them hallucinate wildly.

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How do you get a baby to stop crying? Run it over with a lawn mower!

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Why does Chuck Norris always know the time? He bought a fancy new watch.

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What did the boy with no arms and legs get for christmas? Nothing his parents died in a tragic car accident the night before

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whats the same between a mouse and an elephant? They are both small except for the elephant

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why couldn't the girl watch t.v? Because her house burned down

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Whats worse than a mother of 3 children, jumping off a bridge, smashing into the metal roof of a large car and dieing on impact? A mother of 3 children jumping off a bridge, smashes into the metal roof of a large car, survives,, becomes paralyzed, and has to explain to her children, why she is in a wheel chair for the rest of her life.

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Intercom:ALERT! THERES AND EXTREIMEST IS THE SCHOOL! Little kid: Sir, can I borrow that towel on your head? BOOOOOOM!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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