The police shouldn't have cars. They should use skateboards and use flowers as their gun. When they catch a criminal in the act, they have to hug him before sending him to prison

thumb_up thumb_down -15

A bar walks into a man... The man begins screaming uncontrollably as the corner of the building is inserted into his anus. Brick by brick, the bar forces its way inside the man's ass, as blood begins dripping down his legs. The man knows damn well it is impossible for such a large building to be contained inside him, but he grits his teeth and forces his ass open wider. His ribs break, his lungs collapse, and his now lifeless body is stretched into the shape of the bar. The bar is almost entirely consumed before the man's skin gives way to the bulging pressure...with an explosion of blood & organs, the shredded remains of the man are slung-shot around the lot where the bar formerly stood. The bar, now soaked in a mixture of blood & organ fluid, reflects upon the failure of its experiment. For the next attempt, a man of far greater fortitude must be used, so that his body does not burst so easily. Only then will it achieve its dream of becoming the first bar to walk into a man.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Roses are brown I likes clouds This joke isn't funny so don't laugh

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Q: How do you know what will happen when the world willl end? A: by experience

thumb_up thumb_down -19

What did Hitler say when he was dying? He said, "I'm dying."

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Roses are red, Violets are blue, I wanted tobe cool, But I look like you

thumb_up thumb_down -23

What do pancakes and Smokie Bear have in common? They both don't have aids

thumb_up thumb_down -25

What's white and sticky.... Jizz

thumb_up thumb_down -25

Knock knock. Who's there? It's Tyler Oh hey, come in

thumb_up thumb_down -25

if a tree falls in A Forest, would Robert Smith hear?

thumb_up thumb_down -29

Grandpa loved a good joke, he died laughing. The doctor said it was a severe stroke probably brought on by smoking aggravated by high cholesterol and high blood pressure.

thumb_up thumb_down -33

When the mom got home from work, she was very tired. Her 6 year old son asked her nicely to make him a PB&J sandwich. She said sure and made one. Her son was very pleased and ate all of it. He knew he had a great mom. I actually lied above. The mom was killed by three men in hoodies in her back yard. They came inside and also murdered to boy. Worst of all the killers stole all of her food including the rasberries the boy was looking forward to eat. I guess it doesn't matter now since he is unable to eat anymore...

thumb_up thumb_down -35

Do you like fishsticks? Ya, me too.

thumb_up thumb_down -55

How does an asian man drive? He hops into the car, turns the ignition, slowly accelerates from his parking spot and merges into everyday traffic

thumb_up thumb_down +36

Why was segregation made Illegal? because its more fun to break the law

thumb_up thumb_down +26

A leper sees that a woman has dropped a bag of groceries on the sidewalk. "Hey ma'am, can I give you a HAND?" asks the leper. "No thank you, sir. I can manage." replies the woman. "That's a relief," laughs the leper, shyly. "I am quite weak due to leprocy."

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Where did Tommy go after the bomb went off? Everywhere

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven was convicted of murder and rape

thumb_up thumb_down +16

What can hurt you if you pee on it? A rabid grizzly bear

thumb_up thumb_down +16

What's wet and pink? Bubblegum!

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Why did Tommy fall off the swing? Because he had no arms. Knock knock Who's there? Not Tommy.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Knock Knock. Whose there? The IRS. All your base are belong to us.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

What's as hard as a rock? A rock

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Your flying on a canoe, and one of the wheels breaks off. How many pancakes does it take to fix it? Trick question there is a gorilla on board.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops