I have a toaster. I have two subway coupons and a handful of pubic hair equal trade baby

thumb_up thumb_down -9

How many licks does it take to get to the center of a lollipop? 782

thumb_up thumb_down -9

How do you knock up a Catholic girl? Put your penis into her vagina without wearing a condom.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

a very large and muscly guy walks into a bar and finds a scrawny white guy he asks him if he has ever been in a fight with someone bigger then him the man says no the large man then leaves the bar and they both continue on with their day

thumb_up thumb_down -9

What's the difference between an apple and a baby. An apple is a fruit. A baby is a human being.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

What's the difference between tiger woods and Santa clause? Tiger woods is a thug

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Why did Sarah fall off the swing? She got shot in the head by her drunk step-dad.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

whats worse than 2 jews 3 jews

thumb_up thumb_down -9

I don't often drink beer, but when I do, I make the poor decision to attempt to drive while intoxicated, kill a pedestrian, and end up in jail with a hangover, a DUI, and an account of vehicular homicide. Don't drink and drive simultaneously.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Knock knock! Just kidding.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Your mom is so fat that she saw a school bus full of white children and , thought "I can hardly even remember a time when my body used to be slim." She now keeps track of her diet and exercises regularly,the result of this has been a weight loss of over 95 pounds.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

What do you call a black man that steals a VCR? My Grandpa, he was a Vietnam vet

thumb_up thumb_down -9

A man walks into a bar. The bartender asks: dude, what happened to your eye? The man replies: abuse.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

How do you stop a baby from crawling circles? You nail it's other hand to the floor too

thumb_up thumb_down -9

So Bob walked into his house after a long day at work and layed a rope on his bed. A few hours later his wife came home and found a beautiful tire swing in their backyard but her husband shot him self in his throat.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

There was once a man who lived in a box.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

What do short Mexicans do after a hot shower? Dry off with a towel like everyone else,

thumb_up thumb_down -11

A man walks into a store. He purchases what he was intending to, walks out, and gets on with his day.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

What's more epic than a man in a gorilla suit? A man i a gorilla suit with a banana.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Nero: Farewell to my past last part aka No more forced psychiatric evaluations for me. My psychiatric evaluator asked me why I consider myself a souless demon and not a man. My answer was: My mothers name was Maria, my brothers name is Kristoffer and my real father (which I only met once which was meaningless) is a Chatolic priest. Then I showed her (my psychiatric evaluator) my passport, my name is not Nero Angelo, nor whatever my parents might have told others but rather Angelo Nero. So lets conclude shall we? Nero Angelo = Angel black. and some Capcom shit. Angelo Nero = Says on my birth certificate, means Black Angel. Kristoffer= The sacrifice of Christ my half brother. Ricardo my non real father = which has nothing to do with Josef... Thank F*CK! So yeah, some of you might recognize me, but I have not met any family members the last 16 years, so if you where planing to judge me the next time you see me, you better run instead, because I will... "pacify" you for just watching while my parents waterboarded me, for just standing there while my mother tried excorzise me away while beating the crap out of me. I WILL "remove you, forever" the only family I got, are my 2.755 or so members of my movement Neronism, and my wife`s family, this is not a threat.... ...Its a promise to me, and to you. Make no mistake though, Neronism has over 60.000 members worldwide, but I dont care about them, enough is enough. Maria: My birthmother which claimed long before I was born that she was a virgin and as thus that she was giving birth to the anti-christ. (me, thanks mom) Then my psychiatric evaluator asked me if I truly believed I was a demon, where I told her that "human" is just a term, and that I know that calling myself a demon is just a way of coping with my past. She suggested that now that my troubles/parents are over/dead, that my need for her or anyone evaluating me further is over and she jokingly rated me a 100 percent "fresh" when I asked her if I was still a rotten tomato, so I am officially out from the "realm" of psychiatry (which I was forced to after killing my father in self defense). Its been fucking 27 years since, bt finally I am fucking happy... And the hell if there is humanity left in me... >:) M.Biso... I mean Nero. Merry christmas everybody, I know mine is not so bad after all... ill probably spend more time here, but farewell for now, and finally I can scratch the shit out of my ortopedic arm without getting PTSD`s of my non real father tearing my head off... AAAAAAAAAND all is good... Except the fucking itch...

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Why did the little girl pull her hair out? She didn't, It's a side-effect of the chemotherapy.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

What succeeds most of the time? The population of a field with grass.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Why did the chicken cross the road?

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Q. Why did the chicken cross the road? A. Just kidding, he didn't cross the road, he had no legs.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops