What do lazy asses get for Christmas? Fat

You know what they say about priests with big rosaries? I don't know, it's in Latin.

Why are orphans so bad at baseball? They don't know where home is.

Why didn't Johnny's father come home? He was killed in Afghanistan.

What's the hardest part of a vegetable to eat? The wheelchair.

What do you call Jack Black on a bad day? Kevin Hart.

Why is Short Circuit the best movie ever made? Because it tastes like lemons

Bugs dance, so do ants, Oh my glob it’s Adventure Time!

Why is our country going downhill? Because going uphill is harder.

What did the tooth brush say to the toothe paste? Minorities.

What color is the orange? Grey, I'm color blind.

Why was the blonde confused? Because someone was dressed in a chicken costume throwing pinecones at her.

Why was the little boy sad? -Because he was on Fire.

Why did the catholic preist take all the little boys out in the woods? They were going on a camping trip.

How do you take a picture of a man with a wooden leg? You can't take pictures with wooden legs.

Roses are Red Violets are Blue Some poems have endings

What do you call a white man? A caucasian male.

Why did the old man throw the clock out the window? Because he didn't want to go to a store that could repair it, so then he thought that it was better off on his yard where it could compost.

What's a green tasty vegetable? None, they're vegetables.

What do you do when you find a black man rolling around on the ground? Stop laughing and reload.

What did Stephen Hawking say to his daughter? Nothing, his illness prevents him from talking. And letting a high-tech wheelchair make human sounds isn't talking!!!

Why did the blonde leave the lamp on while sleeping? Because it helps to see in case you need to get up in the middle of the night. YOU THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO SAY "BECAUSE THEY'RE A LIGHT SLEEPER!" MUAHAHAHAHAHA

why did the small boy drop his ice cream ? because he has no hands

Knock knock. Who's there? Your best friend. No it's not, you stupid repo man...I'M NOT OPENING THE DOOR.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...