I used to have a shirt just like yours, except it was green. And it was a bicycle.

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dylan wishes life was like cod. that way he would actually be able to do something cool

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A mexican and a black man are in a car. Who's driving? the black man

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2 muffins are in a oven for 30 minutes, the baker then questions why he only baked 2 muffins.

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Why did Hitler Commit suicide? Because he was completely depressed and overwhelmed by the fact he had lost World War II.

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^ That's not even funny ^

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What happened to the Jewish man while he was in the shower? He accidentally fell asleep and was late to his job.

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A moose walks into a food store. He asks the lady working there where the potatoes are. She says "go down aisle 5.'' he goes down aisle 5 and there arent any potatoes

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This is hypothetical remember, just examples with no roots in real life events. The problem with your former employee, was that he would easily have played the victim, certain organizations would have paid him a fortune for the intel he had collected, and surely also agreed to let him walk away, and get you and your small (relatively) crack team death penalty on the spot, just like the underground, you would have been branded terrorists simply because certain people would have earned billions by doing so. The wizard would most likely have gone free, as long as he shared every tiny bit of info, then the cops, the feds, would have blamed it all on you for being his supervisor, you would not have survived the ordeal, trust me.

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A man with a PhD walks up to a college student and jokingly says "Hey dude, what did the hat say to the other hat?" The student replies "My name is Joe and a hat does not have a mouth, therefore it cannot speak." The student is then unimpressed on how uneducated the man is, also worring about how the man was able to receive a PhD.

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Knock, knock. You do realize you can actually physically knock on the door instead of just imitating the sound effect with your mouth, right? It's actually way more effective that way. Just saying, since it's raining outside and you're cold and want to come in...

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What is green and red and is going super fast? A frog in a blender.

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Why do undertakers wear ties? Because their profession is very serious, and it is important that their appearance has a degree of gravitas.

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ever tried african food? they neither

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why did you read this anti-joke? because you typed in antijoke on google or have the app on a phone

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united we sit, cause we're fat

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Why did the mailman say hi to you? He was trying to be friendly

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Roses are Red Violets are Blue Even though I can't tell Because I am color blind

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What has stripes, isn't a virgin, and has golden hands? I don't know I asked you first.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? There is no reason. Chickens don't have the thinking skills to reason.

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alert('The Game')

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What is red and has wheels? Grass, I lied about it being red and having wheels.

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why can't johnny compete in the track race? because he has no feet.

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A baby tastes grapefruit juice for the first time. She is allergic and immediately begins convulsing and dies.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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