Q: Why did the chicken cross the road? A: Because it felt like it, now mind your own business!

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An old bear-wrestler dies and finds himself at the pearly gates. Confused and at a loss for words due to the unfamiliar circumstance and lack of public toilets, he blurts out "Saint Peter, I presume?" but it was just the train conductor. "Ticket please." He searched his pockets and finally found the ticket. He wished he had a dog, but not a seeing-eye dog because people would assume he was blind. This story illustrates the importance of situational awareness, remembering which pocket you put your ticket in, and not forgetting to go before you leave because you don't know when you'll be able to find a restroom.

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Why can't Hellen Keller drive? She was too tired and was afraid that if she got behind the wheel it might cause her to fall asleep at the wheel which would result in an accident.

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Sooo, when exactly did you become a man? Is this subject boring you?

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Why don't birds cry when they get hurt, lose a loved one, or watch opera? How the f*** should I know.

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It's likely that very few people will read this.

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Two 16 year old girls are chatting on their way to school: Girl 1 : "hey, is that a hickey on your neck? say, have you been naughty? is it Brian's mark?" Girl 2 : "That's not a hickey, it's a bruise. My dad came home drunk again last night and beat me up for no reason."

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Q: What do you call a bathtub? A: A bathtub

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A man walked up to a fork in the road. He bent down, picked it up, and continued on his journey.

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Knock Knock Who's there? The Police your parents just died in a car accident

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Doctor I have a headace! The doctor was dead.

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Man goes to doctor, says he's depressed. The world is bleak and hopeless and life just isn't worth living. The doctor thinks for a second then smiles. "Treatment is simple he says, the great clown Pagliacci is in town. Go see him, that should pick you up." The man bursts into tears, sobs hysterically like a child, "But doctor," he says. "I am Pagliacci."

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Knock knock Who's there? Me Me who? Me me Oh

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my parents let me say words that start with sh and end in it. shit what else could it be

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Roses are red My balls are blue Get off Unless You want too

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If your dying how would you avoid getting eaten alive by sharks or rip to shreds by a T-Rex? Fall on a sword

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Why did the black man cross the road? he just wanted to cross the road, racist. ... after he had robbed a bank

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What's worse than finding an apple in your worm... I mean, a worm in your apple ? "Then I took an arrow to the knee" jokes.

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Knock knock Who's there? It's me It's me who? It's me who is knocking the door

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A blind man walks into a bar... He tragicly attracts aids and dies as the bar is shut down for health purposes

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what do you call a black guy with a nice car? most probably a rapper or professional athlete, however there is also a great chance that he is a doctor of philosophy and well educated.

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why did amelia earhart get lost? because she was a woman

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so a man walks into a bar...... He has a couple laughs over some drinks then went home.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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