How do you make a plumber cry? Kill his family.

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The man said to his wife love hurts. the wife then progressed with punching in the face.

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Why did the child cry? His sister just left for college

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What do a Jew and a whale have in common? They're both Jewish. Except the whale.

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What time is it when you run out of ice cream? Time to get more ice cream.

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What do you call an iPod that doesn't work? An iPod that doesn't work.

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What is yellow, has wheels, and lies on its back? A school bus in a terrible accident.

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Q: What has no color, no shape, no size, and was born in your mind? A: The thought you just had about this anti-joke.

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Stephen Hawking is so paranoid, always looking over his shoulder.

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Why did Jim go to the hospital? To get an autopsy.

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What did the little boy want to be when he grew up? A cone

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Q: Whats the best part of a bald pussy? A: After you put the diaper back on you perv!

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why did the couple sell their house? their children were all raped and then murdered in it and they cant stand the memories

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Hey, you why you say poo poo nae nae watch me whip, and do the dougie, and then happy halloween? Potato Salad

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In the middle of english class, Little Timmy raised his hand and asked "Can I use the restroom" The english teacher said " I don't know, CAN you?" Little Timmy said "When I was using "can" I was using its secondary model form as a verbal modifier asking for permission, as opposed to expressing an ability. I thought since you were a teacher you'd know that. My bad. MAY I use the restroom?

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Q:Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, an honest lawyer and an old drunk are walking down the street together when they simultaneously spot a hundred dollar bill. Who gets it? A:The old drunk, of course; the other three are mythological creatures.

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Did you hear the one about the man who went into the jungle wearing nothing but leopard print underwear? He was suffering from psychogenic fugue disorder and had no idea who or where he was. He was eventually eaten alive by a flesh-eating centipede. When his wife found out, she committed suicide.

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Why did the old man go to the retirement home? The 75 year old man had a 45 year career in pluming and he thought it was a good time to retire after saving enough money to be happy and he could spend the rest of his life with his wife. The retirement home was also not that far away from his grandchildren so he liked the location and the home was also very clean and the workers seemed very nice. But this was just a visit to see if he liked it, he may live there soon.

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There was a boy and..........his dad said to go to the store to get his daily thing.........he went to the store and bought it......he came home and said.....HERE ARE THE EGGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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A: What dose God listen to? B: Slayer. A: Trick Question, God=Slayer

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Why did the man scream? He got shot in the eye with a nail gun.

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There once was a girl with only one buttcheek. She couldn't go poop. She died.

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What's the difference between a Lamborghini and a pile of dead babies? I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.

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Why did the blond cross the road? She needed to get to the shop as she'd run out of milk.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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