What separates man from animal? Divorce.

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What did the lawyer say to the doctor? - I am a lawyer and you're a doctor.

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whats floppy and smells like trout? trout.

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why did stuart buy an ipad from the mall. because he wanted an ipad

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I dont think i could ever stab someone, I can barely get a straw through a capri sun

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Why didn't the scientist discover a cure for apathy? He simply lost interest in it.

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I know that a lot of people don't like morbid jokes, for it isn't everybody's cup of liquidized dead baby.

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knock knock whos there? ughh omg youre dying what yeah dear god ok ill call 911 no im fine its just a seizure ok get well soon

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A pirate walks in to a bar. The bartender notices he has a steering wheel in the front of his pants, so he says to the pirate, "you know you've got a steering wheel in your pants, huh?" The pirate responds, "Arrrrrrrrr, it's for me carrrrr."

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Who won the race between the turtle and the hare? Well, odds are the two creatures wouldn't race given that animals do not speak. However, if they were, the hare would most likely win a land race because of its powerful legs and agility. However, if the turtle happened to be a seaturtle and the race took place underwater, our dear little beloved turtle would win, having the advantage over the rabbit.

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The President, The Pope, and a small child are all in an airplane when the pilot announces that the plane is going to crash. They crash into the ocean and quickly remember that there is a life vest under their seats, which they promptly put on and safely inflate after exiting the cabin of the aircraft by pulling down on one or both of the red tabs.

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If a tree falls on a deaf person, does anyone care?

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What did the Jew say to the black guy? Hey whatsup?

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Why are the deserts so dry? Obama

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Why is the sky blue? You like men.

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What did the monkey say to the newlywed couple? Eiiiiijajajaajaja EIIIIJAAAA

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A man runs into a bar and yells "Ow!!" He is hospitalized due to severe trauma to the head and spine.

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Why did the plane crash? The pilot was Hellen Keller.

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Why didn't the TV turn on? Nobody switched it on.

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How many flies does it take to screw in a light bulb? Two but I don't know how they got in there.

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How many times do you have to make an ass of yourself before you look like a retard and thinking ''random'' means funny? Fuck yourself HAHAHAHAHA seriously stahp

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How many black people does it take to solve a complex physics equation? Trick question

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Wat did the man say to the other man when they were alone. We dont know. They were alone.

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A woman asked me today if I'd ever tried crazy golf. I hadn't actually ever tried it.... So I replied "no".

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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