Whats long hard and full of semen? A dick.

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Guy 1: So how did you get into hospital Guy 2: I was drinking near my computer Guy 1: So why did it explode? Guy 2: (Doesn't reply)

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So there were these two ovens in a muffin. One oven said "Holy fuck it's muffiny in here." The other oven said "Holy fuck a talking oven!"

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A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says, "We don't serve food here." The sandwich charges the barman for discrimination.

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what do you call lots of jews on a train? Call them what you want they aren't coming back!

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Why do fat people commit suicide

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Why couldn't Hellen Keller drive? Because she was blind.

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Why did the man ask the woman on a date? They were both single and looking for a unique, romantic experience that could possibly turn into a long-term loving relationship.

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What can you tell by a black guy who walks into a bank with a ski mask on? His face was severely disfigured in a horrific accident.

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How much wood would a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood? The woodchuck's ability to chuck has been left indeterminable. Therefore until the wood chuck's prowess in wood chucking is brought to light we must leave it a variable. Using the coefficient (L) to represent wood that can possibly be chucked. Then using (C) to represent the life cycle of said wood chuck chucking. We are also assuming this woodchuck will remain vigilante and not require food or sleep for the entire duration of chucking ultimately lowering is maximum chucking output. From this we can determine the W.C.P.S. (wood chucks per second). Finally subtract the remaining wood (RW) from the chucked total and we have rendered that : L(W.C.P.S) - (C -RM/t) = X

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The last head of Satan, is oh but what you blamed upon Your faults, Your sins. The thoughts of Madness written here, yet potent enough to cloud Your thoughts.... Wait not forever children of man, as eternity is at its peak, the false prophet IS AMONGST US! But what side is he on? The last ditch attempt to protect humanity from a raging jealous vengeful God? Say it is not so! Say that darkness is not the only thing standing against you and eternal damnation... ...Yet you killed his only true child, you stole his name, his essence... Even his Identity... ...Even the Angels white are powerless to stop him, Your maker, Your true maker, for what is the grief of the holy, from which you took his only son... ...As you celebrate once and once anew... :...Merry CHRISTmas, to all of those of you all now left behind... Celebrate it well, as before the world reaches 2017, is where it all ends...

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God, you know after creating humanity and kinda regretting it and stuff, fell into drinking and betting. He found Sin a fellow poker player, and all was good. Until God, drinking a bit too much bet a bit too many of his creds: Son. Jesus: Yes father. God: Uh, I kinda ended up low on cash on the poker game last night and I kinda well... I am gonna be frank here, I bet you and lost. NeroMetal Not dissing the bible, just enjoying the always brighter side of life eh? ;)

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What happens when a man farts a fancy memorial party in a ball room in England... At least 1000 people die somewhere on earth in the time his butt squeezed out that fart. And I'm sure someone gets raped.

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Knock knock. Who isn't there? Not me. Don't come in. I won't.

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Q. what did the hobo say to the rich guy A. nothing the hobo wa a mute

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Why did the chicken cross the road? to get to the other side... (other side as in the afterlife, for it committed suicide by crossing the road)

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Why did the black man commit suicide last tuesday? he was just fired from his job, his sister passed away, and he became depressed

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What do you call a chicken with no head? A chicken with no head.

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Why did the overweight black man wake up & then not get out of bed? He was paraplegic.

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what did the leprosy survivor get for christmas a amputation

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What is the best part about being a rapist? The orgasms.

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Why did the girl go to Jupiter? To get more stupider

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John has 5 brownies, 3 chocolate bars, and 62 cookies. What does John have now? Diabetes, John has Diabetes

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why did the baby cross the road? he was stapled to the chicken

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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