Maroon 5 to a bitch: Cross my heart and hope to die... wait why don't i just kill you bitch!

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How do you make a small child cry? You cut off his fingers..

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Sally has no arms. A: Knock kock? B: Whose there? Not Sally.

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Whats faster than a mexican running down the street with your TV? An airplane

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What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? Where's my tractor?

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A man attempts to sign in to PlayStation Network... And succeeds, proceeding to enjoy the console's numerous award winning exclusive titles such as LittleBigPlanet and Uncharted 2, along with utilizing the system's Blu Ray capabilities and playing with his friends online in an absolutely free network, on what many consider to be the superior console to the Xbox 360.

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What did the boy with no arms and no legs get for Christmas? Some chocolate and a new DVD.

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What did the muffin, say to the other muffin? Nothing. Because muffin's are inanimate objects, therefore incapable of speech, or any other sentient action. They baked quietly until the man who was baking them came to the conclusion they were fit for consumption, devoured them, and went on with his day.

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Why did blonde drown? As a child a child she never learned to swim since she did not enjoy swimming.

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A black guy, a Jew and a Mexican walked into a bar...so I didn't....not because of their race but because I had already spent all of my money at the gay bar.

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What's the difference between a plumber and a gynecologist? One has a knowledge of piping system of a house and the ability to fix said pipes and the other has the medical knowledge of a women's vagina.

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A man finds a magic lamp and rubs it. A genie appears and says that he will grant him 3 wishes. The man says "I wish for a duck". POOF! He got a duck. Then he says "I wish for a penguin". POOF! A penguin magically appears. He thought long and hard for his 3rd wish. Then he said "I wish I had a turtle" POOF! Suddenly out of nowhere the genie disappears. The man looked inside the magic lamp and saw a small turtle. The end.

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What did the black guy get for Christmas? (In 1938) A bruise from the Klu Klux Klan.

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Roses are red Violets are blue Faces like yours belong in the zoo But dont worrie ill be there Not in a cage But laughing at you

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A professor of literature asked me, "Young Sir, why are you burning those books?" I replied, "Because I need a fire to cremate the bones of your 3 sisters that I violently raped and murdered" He smirked in a witty and arrogant fashion, until raising his head and saying, "Bond, James Bond" He continued to massage his dick with his own pubic hairs before collapsing and dying

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Q: Whats the first thing you see when you wake up? A: I don't know.

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What happened after the man with no arms and legs lost his keys? Nothing. He won't get them for the rest of his life.

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A jew was walking down the street what did he see? the holocaust

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what happens if you drop a spoon? it sounds a lot, and it's annoying

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Why did Susie fall off the swings? She had no arms. Knock! Knock! Who's there? Not Susie.

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"George? I wanna tend da wabbits, George" - Lennie Smalls

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Why did Adolf Hitler Start WWII and kill millions of Jews? Because he was a poweful dictator

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Why was the man lying under a sheet. Because he was dead.

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If you have a stroke, call 000

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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