Q:What did the turtle say to the jaguar? A: Well, a turtle and a jaguar live in totally different habitats, turtles live in water while jaguars live in grasslands, so it would be unlikely for them to cross paths and communicate. Turtles and jaguars are unable to speak and, if a jaguar were to talk to a turtle, the turtle would be unable to make out words because turtles can only pick up vibrations. And, they would have nothing to talk about.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Why was it raining lobsters? Because they ran out of men. Why did the basketball player miss the net? Because he was hit by a lobster

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Roses are red, pink, white or yellow. Stop stereotyping my arrogant fellow.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Two construction workers are working on the final floor of what will soon be the worlds tallest building. The first turns to the other and says: "Hey tom can you throw me a three quarters hex wrench? i think my set is metric." the second guy turns around and says: "yea, here you go."

thumb_up thumb_down -9

whats worse then finding a worm in your apple? getting stranded on an island with your best friend and realizing several days later that you will have to eat him to survive. hours after eating your friend a boat saves you and now have to live the rest of your life knowing you ate somebody.................... oh and the Holocaust

thumb_up thumb_down -9

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Being ripped apart by an angry orangatang because orangatangs have the strength of ten men.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Ten black people are on the 100th floor of a 110 floor building. They are going to die because they are trapped in the World Trade Center and are leaving a very happy life with their loving families.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

If Michelle rides her bike at 15 mph for 20 minutes and Erik rides his bike at 20 mph for 12 minutes, why is Michelle not in the kitchen?

thumb_up thumb_down -11

How do you get dislikes on anti-joke.com? You can dislike your own post from several different IP addresses.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Whats the biggest party fowl? Murder

thumb_up thumb_down -11

What is big, round, hairy, black with a little bit of white and red stripes, large feet, small hands, squinty eyes and a purple beret? Nothing. How ridiculous.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

How old are you? 7

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Rylan Clark

thumb_up thumb_down -11

A man walks into a bar. He drinks heavily and dies of alcohol poisoning.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

how do you upset a black guy kill his family :)

thumb_up thumb_down -11

An American, an Indian and an African walked into a bar. They had a memorable time together.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

They say animal behavior can warn you when an earthquake is coming. Like the night before that last earthquake hit, our family dog took the car keys and drove to Arizona.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

The Pope walks into a bar, the barman says: "What'll it be, Pope?" But the Pope's knowledge of English is tenuous at best. He mumbles something in Latin that the barman doesn't understand. The Pope becomes frustrated and leaves.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 was a registered sex offender who recently got out of federal prison after a 20 year sentence.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

What did the disabled kid do on friday? He fell down a flight of stairs.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Knock Knock Who's there? Mormens...

thumb_up thumb_down -11

whats worse than finding out there's mold in your bread? finding out the holocaust is in your bread

thumb_up thumb_down -11

What would you call Shaquille O'Neal if he was on the moon? Shaquille O'Neal, or any nickname you may have for him.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

What's the difference between ten dead babies and a Ferrari. A Ferrari isn't in my garage.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops