Your mother is so fat, when she stepped on a scale, it read quite a large number. She resolved to live healthier and exercise more.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

How do you stop a little boy from annoying you? You chop his balls of. Why was the little boy sad? Because someone chopped his balls off.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Q: How many blondes does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: One.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

I know how to make a brilliant telescope out of an empty jar, some leather, a string and a brilliant telescope.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Have you seen stevie wonders new piano? No Well it's really nice

thumb_up thumb_down +21

What happened when the young child fell off of the swing? He broke open his head causing him to be sent to the hospital for 3 weeks.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

So I have an idea that will solve both world population and hunger problems! I call it the Omni-Abortion law. The idea is that all babies must be aborted and then eaten. Progressive, right?

thumb_up thumb_down +21

What's a vampire's favorite dessert? Vampire's don't exist What's Helen Keller's favorite dessert? Helen Keller doesn't exist

thumb_up thumb_down +21

What's sadder than a lost puppy? A dead puppy.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Person 1: Why can't a T-Rex clap? Person 2: BECAUSE THEIR ARMS ARE TOO SMALL! Person 1: No, because they are extinct dumbass

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Guy 1: "Smells like UpDog in here." Guy 2: "No it doesnt.."

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Roses are gray, Violets are gray, I'm colorblind, I hate my life

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Why are the deserts so dry? Obama

thumb_up thumb_down +19

What happened after Jimmy fell off the cliff? He died.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Your mother's so fat she occupies more space than a thin person does and is more likely to bump into environmental objects.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

What is worse than getting shot in the leg? Getting shot in the head.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

how do you make a plumber sad? tell him to pull up his pants

thumb_up thumb_down +19

bangers and mash?

thumb_up thumb_down +19

why did suzie fall off the swing? she had no arms why did suzie get hit by a bus? she was blind knock knock whos there? not suzie.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Why did the old lady talk to a tree? She had Alzheimer's and was going to die.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

What's worse then the bomb that went off in boston? The second one right after.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

What does a gay horse eat? Low-energy foods should only be fed to horses who are not regularly being worked and participating in high performance. According to the University of Kentucky's College of Agriculture, energy is vital to horses who need to perform their best as it aids many of the body's functions including muscle contraction, respiration and circulation. Only feed a low-energy diet to an idle horse and feed a high-energy diet to an older or sickly horse and to a working horse.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

What did Sally want for Christmas? Nothing, she is Jewish.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

How do you cut the sea in half? You can't. There are an odd amount of letters. You would have to jeopardize the "e", but then it would no longer be "sea".

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops