Never again, I have all the intel I need on you, you cost me a fucking eye, you think I would let go of that so easily? It hurts day and night, I have not slept in days, my fucking eyelid is torn right off, and while I use a fucking excuse for an eyepatch, I still have not gotten used to sleep without being able to shut both my eyes, I have a constant fever, you miss me, you are directly responsible for scaring my wife and fucking over my face. Deal with it, cry harder asshole. Moral: You step on my foot, I break off yours, you cost me an eye, you do not know whats waiting in line for you, I am going to make you beg me to let you die! Did you think I would warm up as quickly to something as irresponsible as you? And we do not know yet if you did this on purpose, we do not even live in the same fucking country, and I get assholes assaulting me again! What the hell have you done? If my wife had been here I would have been dead! Moral: I hope you got pets, I will skin them alive in front of your face!

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You dork, seriously, the comment where I mentioned that I am married is like 60000 comments PAGES behind. What? Now you ashamed of losing your, I mean I can say that I am your first right? That I am going to stick my MANFLESH into your CHERRY AND POP IT RIGHT? JUST TRYING TO BE SUBTLE HERE! Seriously though, Your name is really Tifa? And you look a FUCKING HELL A LOT Like Tifa From Final Fantasy... You know, except she has gigantic feet and no lips and you know...

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How many fat people does it take to screw in a light bulb? Three. One to hold the ladder, another to screw it in. The third one stands to the side, just in case it breaks.

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hey whats your name Im gonna hit you so hard........ that im gonna knock your block off

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There's a redhead, a brunette and a woman with green hair walking down the street. A man asks them how they all came to have such beautiful and vibrant hair color. The redhead smiles, runs a hand through her hair and replies "It's natural!" The brunette smiles, runs a hand through her hair and replies "It's natural!" The woman with green hair blows her nose, and replies "It isn't natural, I'm rebelling against society's conformist ideals. Also I was not loved enough as a child." She has a cold.

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Why couldn't Jimmy have his birthday party at the park? Because little Jimmy passed away several months ago from the result of a vicious genocide committed by a man who didn't properly understand the affect that maiming human beings has on the friends and family members of the person; he was sentenced to jail for a fair and reasonable time for the punishment of the crime he committed in the past.

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Why did the circus clown lose his balance? He had a seizure while on his unicycle, fell off, and bumped his head, leading to significant blunt trauma in the brain. Weeks later, after waking up from a coma, the doctors discover that he can no longer speak anything other than gibberish. His friends and family decide that he cannot go on living this way and decide to pull the plug.

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What time is it when an elephant sits on your car? I don't know, you should check the zoo's surveillance camera.

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Why did the goose cross the road? Because the chicken was on vacation

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(Knock, knock) A: Who's there? B: Orange A: That is impossible. Oranges are inanimate objects and, therefore, cannot speak.

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What was the last thing that went through the crashing helicopter pilot's head? The propeller.

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A dyslexic athiest..."'There is no Dog!"

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why was the man denied his teaching job? because he is a wanted cerial killer in 43 states.

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what would happen if american army lost their air supprt ? lmao

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How many dead babies does it take to paint a wall? First of all, babies do not have the physical ability or the mental capacity to ever paint a wall, no matter how many of them there are. Second of all, they are dead which probably will not increase their chances of painting said wall.

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Why did the blonde get a tattoo of her adress on her arm? She never wanted to forget her great childhood at her family home, and she hoped that she would come back some day.

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What is long and painful? It's a sword, get your mind out of the gutter.

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i look around to find that my air head is missing, i then figure out that i had eaten it.

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Why doesn't a ducks quack echo? Actually, it does, but the echo is imperceptible to human ears.

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why did the magician stop doing magic ? he got hit by a bus and died

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Roses are red Violets are blue We cant have sex I have ED

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Q: Why did the chicken cross the street? A: Because that was the direction it was headed.

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What's the difference between a Jew and a pizza? The first is a person of the Jewish Faith and the other is a popular item of food.

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How many Polacks does it take to change a lightbulb? Two, one to change the lightbulb, one to hold the ladder.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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