Why are stand up comedians called stand up comedians? Because they are standing up while telling jokes, dumby.

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Man: Did It Hurt Woman: Did what hurt? Man: When your legs were crushed after being run over by that semi

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Uh... You know them N words... When they come crashing into the neiborhood the neiborhood quality drops and gets totally destroyed youknow what im sayan? Uh yeah sure totally... Then you know they spread around smell up dirty and toxicify the whole area, they become so fat and loud and like take everything away from you. Yeah HEIL KKK!! WUUT? I was talking Aboot them Nukular warheds! You you... SOMETHING! Hey! Dont get offensive man, sorry I was just KIDDING!... yeah... KIDDIIING!

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Even dyslexic people attend church and pray to Dog.

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Why do sharks swim in salt water? Pepper water makes them sneeze! Why do whales swim in salt water? They can't survive in fresh water.

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A Duck, a Mexican guy and Helen Keller walk into a bar. The bartender asks "What do each of you want?" The duck doesn't respond because is is a duck. The Mexican guy doesn't respond because he doesn't know English that well. Helen Keller does't respond because she is dead.

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Well... My reputation is still kinda exaggerated apparently. What you experienced is called astral projection, some people claim it is the same as lucid dreaming, I beg to differ, the difference is vast. You basically just admitted that people believe much more in you, than you believe in yourself, without believing hypnosis does not work, people are like "bah its just suggestions", its true, but underestimating the power of suggestions is a pretty bad call.

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A black guy, a white guy, a Jew, and a priest are on plane that is on fire. What do they do? Call their family and tell them they lovedthem, because there are more than likely going to die.

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How did the fat guy servive the plane crash??????? He bounced

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What do you do when a bomb is exploding 2 inches away from you? You die.

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In particle-joke physics, the antijoke is the extension of the concept of the antiparticle to the joke, where the antijoke is composed of antiparticles in the same way that the normal joke is composed of particles. Furthermore, mixing jokes and antijokes can lead to the annihilation of both, in the same way that mixing antiparticles and particles does.The result of antijoke meeting jokes is an explosion.[1]

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Two muffins are baking in an oven. One turns to the other and says, "Boy, it sure is hot in here!" The other one replies, "OMG, A TALKING MUFFIN!"

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Why was 7 afraid of 8? Because 8-9-10.

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What did the Rabbit say to the horse? They are both completly differebt species and cannot communicate. Therefore, the rabbit said nothing.

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Yo momma so stupid she scored poorly on her SAT's in high school. She couldn't graduate college and now works a dead end job as a waitress.

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What's the difference between a grape and a duck? They're both purple, apart from the duck.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It didn't. It got hit by a school bus and died.

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why did the chicken cross the road? because it could not afford sandals.

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Why was the black man very rich? Because he was a lawyer who worked hard and was able to provide himself with a steady income.

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How do giant spiders like to spend their weekends? Eating Orphans.

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You know that song "FIrework" by Katy Perry? Well, I ate a hotdog last night.

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Where do you go when you find a fork in the road? To the nearest restaurant.

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Hi

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Beans, beans, are good for your heart the more you eat the less hungry you are.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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