What do you get when you cross a moose with a crépe? A moose with a crépe up his nose. -ilikecrepes97

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A man walks into a bar. The bartender asks what he'd like to drink. The man pulls out his gun, shoots the surprised bartender, and proceeds to execute all the patrons of the bar and finally commit suicide. A post-mortem identification of the man identifies him as a victim of childhood sexual abuse and a diagnosed schizophrenic. There is a nice funeral for all the victims and the media respectfully minimizes exposure of the event.

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What did the lawyer say to the Black man? Your case came through, the murderer of your wife has been caught

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Did you hear about that guy? He had a wonderful morning.

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Two tomatoes were crossing a road when one of them got hit by a truck. The other said, Carrot.

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I hear eating an apple a day keeps the other apples in check.

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What did the boy say to the elders at the senior center? Dayum, you're all ugly!

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what do the students call their red-headed friend? Mike.

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What do you get when you cross an owl and a bungee cord? Well, contrary to popular belief, it is NOT Master Pain's (Betty's) "butt". You would most likely get a bungee jumping owl.

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How do you drown a blonde? Intentionally attempting to drown anyone, regardless of their hair color, is murder which is illegal and morally wrong to do.

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How hard is it to cross a man with a tree? Jesus only needed a few nails

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Naw, not now, I don't want to be assimilated, I am a bit of a wuss right now, really tired.

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Ask me if I'm on a horse. Are you on a horse? Um no horses are overrated.

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Just so you are warned here folks, some of the jokes down here are really nasty, like you know... Antijokes... But luckily you got my family friendly stories about sex, incest, panties, grenades, dripping Meows, yeah... Regular family show stuff... IT HAPPENS TO US ALL! Right? Please tell me right? Riiight? Right? Yes? Phew, okay, for a moment I actually thought you where gonna tell me I was normal...

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What's black and red, and covers most of your body? Fourth degree burns. You should say your goodbyes.

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what is 2+2+2+2+2+2+2+2+2+2+2-2+2x0 20

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A boy asks his teacher for a eraser....he was given a blue pen. Turns out he was in space.

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Why did the boy drop his ice cream? Because he had heard this joke so many times that it drove him so mad that he grabbed an ice cream, stepped into the road, and was hit by a bus, purposely adding an ironic effect to his death.

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Why did the man not get home to his loving family? He blew up.

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Whats worse than being rapped by a giant scorpion. Being gangbanged by a couple giant scorpions

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A little boy had a candle by his bedside. It fell over. The candle was fake, and it didn't burn down his house. When he woke up, he picked up the candle, put it back on his nightstand and had a wonderful day.

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How does a t-rex eat spaghetti? He didn't he ate a velocaraptor instead.

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Why was the kid crying? Cause he had a frog stapled to his face.

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Justin Port#$ falls out of a tree. What happens? he breaks his neck and unfortually dies a long painful death.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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