on a scale from voldemort to nigel thornberry, how big is your penis?

if i have 2 bananas, and you have 2 bananas, then together we have 4 bananas what are the chances?

Fine Nero, but I will be keeping an eye on you.

What's 8 foot tall and can't breathe? Ryan Eisenhour

Two men were walking down the road when one of them spotted an old lamp lying in a ditch. After examining the lamp's handiwork for several seconds one man rubbed the lamp with his shirt sleeve. The men then continued down the road.

What's the difference between Micheal Jackson and Neil Armstrong? Micheal Jackson has never been on the moon, Neil Armstrong never had plastic surgery and Micheal was a pop star.

a man walks into a bar, only it was an alternate universe so there were dogs running the bar. the bartender dog called human control because it was unsanitary to have a human in a bar. the human was then escorted out by another dog and was taken to a hotel where he received no continental breakfast.

Yo mama so dirty when she takes baths there are rings.

Q. why did the girl fall off the swing? A. Because she had no arms.

The next sentence is true. The previous statement is false.

How do you wake a clown up? By pouring vinegar in his eyes.

'Knock Knock' "Who's there?" 'Nobody. Your schizophrenia has become so bad you can barely make it through a normal day without emotionally collapsing. Your social life has dissolved into a world of fear, and your personal relationships have crumbled away before your eyes. Major depression and anxiety are eating you away. You have nothing left.'

Q:What is your maturity on a scale of 1 to 100? A:69

What's the difference between Amy Winehouse and Michael Jackson? Spelling.

Why was the prostitute's throat sore? Allergies.

why didn't the Asian ask for a calculator cause he was doing the dishes and a calculator seemed inappropriate

A man walks in to a bar with a frog stapled to his head. The bar tender says What the heck is that. The frog says I don't know this thing has been coming out of my but for two days

What's black and at the top of a burning building? A paraplegic

i've got a little something for you. in fact it's so small you can't see it. it's called spermatazoa

Tony Romo

Knock Knock Who's there? Tank tank who? You're welcome

Dude, you were so drunk last night that you got in a terrible car accident, and now you are paralyzed from the waste down for life.

whats big fat round and bounces on the ground? a ball and your mum

What do you call a guy with an axe in his head? Chuck

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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