A duck walks into a bar. The duck walks over to the bartender and orders a beer. "put it on my bill." he says. The bartender angrily grabs the duck and kicks him out of the bar, because the duck has done this many times, but has never once paid his bill to the bar. The duck is an alcoholic and is slowly ruining his relationship with his family.

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Jesus walks into a hotel, slams four nails down on the counter, and says, "Put me up for the night!" The concierge looks at him and says, "You're not Jesus. Jesus was brutally murdered approximately 1,970 years ago. And although I may not be a believer, his teachings have brought comfort and solace to millions of people around the world. Nor do we accept nails as payment. Please remove yourself from the premises or I will call security."

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Why are Pirates called Pirates? Because the word originates from the term Pirata which means 'sea attacker' in Latin.

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How much signal does an Asian woman need to cut across 4 lanes? None

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I'm sorry but your child seems to have fractured his spinal column and can no longer control any part of his body below his neck.

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There once was a man from Nantucket. He was among thousands of men who were also from Nantucket.

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Dont joke about the holocaust. My grandfather died there, he fell off the guard tower.

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Roses are brown. Violets are brown. Who pooped in my garden?

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why did the man sell the car and bought worse one? it' s his hoby to restore cars

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So Superman walks into a bar right, WRONG, Superman flies into bar

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Why did Beethoven get rid of his chickens? Because they kept saying Bach bach Bach. No. Beethoven was deaf. He couldnt understand what they were saying.

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There's my tractor.

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Emily Scarpello...Fat Couch

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Two men walk into a bar, get drunk, and drive home. Unfortunately, they crash into a tree and are mortally wounded.

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How do you kill a Jewish person? Like any other person, they are like any other person of any race and religion.

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Why did the Mexican fall off of a cliff? He lost is ballence.

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What happens when you tickle a rabid iguana? It bites you and you die.

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I was not scared, I was disappointed, I was expecting to see you for you, not the whole strange outfit getup, what was the point of that? I know the deal about hypnosis and stuff, did you know it is actually known as monoideoism? But I really cant figure for the life of me how it is physically possible to be under a deep state of trance and completely awake at the same time.

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How do you hack into someone's computer? A few good hits with a hatchet should do the trick

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A blonde walks into an electronics store. She asks an assistant, "Can I buy that TV"? He says, "Sure, no problem." She then walks out of the store, happy with the purchase that she made.

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Q. Why did the lotion soothe the person's skin? A. Because its ingredients were selected because of their propensity to soothe skin.

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What brown and squishy? um um um um melted kit-kats

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whats the difference between marmalade and jam? you cant marmalade ur cock up a girls arse

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What do you call a person without any arm no legs and a eye patch? names

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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