A guy walks into a psychiatrist's office covered only in Saran Wrap. He asks the doctor, "The strip of metal teeth is missing from the box, so could I borrow your scissors?"

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What did the you know what screw this I'm sick of making these stupid jokes there all the same. Hang on hang on What did the pirate do to the dog yes This style of joking is so different I'm going to be a famous comedian oh wait there's a whole bloody website full of these. O look another one and another one and another one that knife over there looks really nice right now

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How do you drown a blonde? Weigh her down and throw her into a body of water.

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Fuzzy wuzzy was a bear Fuzzy wuzzy had no hair Fuzzy wuzzy wasn't very fuzzy, was he? No, because he had cancer.

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So 2 guys are curious if there is baseball I heaven... So they say when either of them dies they have to come back as a spirit and tell the other man if there is baseball in heaven One of the guys dies and comes back as a spirit... He comes to the other man and says... I've got some good news and some bad news The man says what's the the good news? The spirit says the good news is there is baseball in heaven So the man says what's the bad news?? The spirit says... Your pitching Tuesday night!

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I found my car in the lot with a broken tail-light and a note under the windscreen wipers. I accidentally reversed into your car, Lots of people saw me do it. They all think I'm writing down my name and details, Well, I'm not.

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There are 3 Chinese guys migrating to the USA, Chu, Bu and Fu. . Chu added a 'ck' to? his name and became Chuck Bu did the same thing and became Buck. Fu got sent back to china

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Why was Timmy so unpopular at school? Because he caught aids of his pet rock

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A Chinese man, a Mexican man, and an American man are all on a plane in-flight when the pilot screams over the intercom, "We are two pounds over weight! The plane is going down unless you all throw off useless things that have no value in your countries!" The Chinese man throws out a pair of chopsticks and an egg roll and says, "I have too many of those in my country." The Mexican does the same with a taco and sombrero, repeating, "I have too many of those in my country." The American looks around his items pondering what things are too common in the USA. He locks his eyes on the Mexican. The other passengers are shocked as the American throws off a hamburger and a football.

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Why is Jesse so fat? A horse, Because a cow gives milk thus creating pee wee Herman to jack off at an astonishing speed

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What's worse than getting sockson your birthday? Getting cancer on your birthday.

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A man bets that his friend can't drink five beers in a row. His friend does it and says "See, I told you I can do it!" The man replies "No, I can't see, I'm blind."

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Knock knock. Who's there? The Police. Your family is dead...

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What's more epic than a man in a gorilla suit? A man i a gorilla suit with a banana.

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Two polar bears are sitting in a hot tub. One polar bear asks the other to pass the soap. The other responds, "No soap, radio!"

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"Horse walks into a bar. Bartender says It's probably not a good idea that you're in here. You're a very large animal. Any sudden movements, you may injure somebody. I don't know why you're here. None of the glasses are ergonomically designed for you to drink from. So, you should probably leave."

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What does a dishwasher and the holocaust have in common? Not much.

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What does a cannibal do after dumping his girlfriend? Procedes with his long difficult hunt to find another companion who accepts him for what he is, without the fear of being eaten.

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How do you kill a blonde? The blonde you were planning on killing, Bridget, arrives home from a rather tiring run. She lets her hair down from her ponytail, and since it is rather long, it brushes against her round breasts. Even though she is a little sweaty, you realize what a beautiful woman she is, and you decide not to kill here. You instead ask her to marry you, and after she replies "yes", with tears of joy streaming down her face, you two make passionate love in the front seat of your 2011 Cadillac Escalade.

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what do you call cheese thats not yours? A: stolen cheese.

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Jo Brand no longer looks like a ball sack draped over a football.

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What did one dinosaur say to the other? Nothing and if you think dinosaurs talk you might need to be diagnosed for having Schizophrenia. Invega is a subtle treatment.

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Yo Momma is SO FAT, THAT she has an increased risk of cardiac arrest due to her blood pressure.

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What can a Giraffe have, that no other animal on Earth can? A baby Giraffe.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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