Roses are red, Violets are blue, I've got a smoke dectecter, You died in a fire

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Bang Bang Get the hell out of the house, it's on fire.

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“When life gives you lemons, don’t make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don’t want your damn lemons, what the hell am I supposed to do with these? Demand to see life’s manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson lemons! Do you know who I am? I’m the man who’s gonna burn your house down! With the lemons! I’m gonna get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down!”

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why did the mexican steal the money? because he was financially struggling and needed the money to support his family

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What do u call a dumb Asian. An american

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Why is the man's nose bleeding? Because I punched him in the nose. He looked at me funny.

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What's a Hillbilly's last words? I won't be here much longer, so take care of the kids. I love you.

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what do you get when you cross a jellyfish, a jar, and a brown crayon? i dont know, im not into genetics, and jars dont have genes.

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What is the difference between a pizza and a Jew?

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Q: Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? A: Because it died. Q: Why did the dog fall out of the tree? A: Because it was tied to the monkey.

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Why did the pirate have a peg leg? Diabetes

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What's the difference between a prostitute and your mom? Your mom is a well educated lawyer who earns half a million dollar a year while the prostitute sells her own body for an extremely small amount of money.

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Why did the guy eat pizza? Because he likes pizza.

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what would you watch during a scary movie? anything you want.

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"bus driver pressed the horn at my mum and she stuck a finger up at him " Not the first time she's got the horn and shoved a finger up

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Why did the dinosaur rent a DVD in Redbox about a sex? Because he didn't own a Blu-Ray player.

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KANE AUDITIONS FOR BRITAINS GOT TALENT SIMON COWEL REAPES HIM

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What's green and blue, and red all over? Nothing. It if were red all over it wouldn't be green and blue.

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Q: Why do Mexicans love rice and beans? A: Because it's fairly easy to grow in places with relatively low rainful and high temperatures like that in which they live in.

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What did the little boy say to his cat? Masturbate on my moms corpse.

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Your father must be an alien because he's driving a UFO

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Two elves walk into a bar. The hobbit laughs and walks under it.

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why wuz 6 afraid of 7 7 had a gun

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What's worse than finding half a worm in your apple? dead parents.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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