- Anti Joke

Why did the chicken cross the road? Well, there are many theories as to why the aforementioned chicken crossed the aforementioned road. The most plausible is that the chicken was wandering around, when it came upon a road. Being a chicken, it did not know the dangers of crossing it, and proceeded to.

A jew walks into a bar. The bartender says we dont sell juice here. The jew promptly leaves, offended.

So a penguin walks into a bar. Penguin's have been affected by global warming so much that they decide to drink away as they near their final hours.

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Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

Why didn't the chicken cross the road? Chickens are not smart enough to open a gate and avoid traffic at the same time!

What disease did Harry Styles get? 1Infection! (if you don't know, Harry Styles is 1direction's manager)

How do you get a clown off of a swing? You throw an axe at its face.

What's red and can't find a family? A fire hydrant

There are stars in the sky when it's dark. You may have noticed I used a contraction in the previous sentence.

Why did the child say he had been a ubused. Answer: because he had been.

Two guys walk into a bar.... OUCH

Knock Knock. Who's there? Banana. Banana who? I'm a talking banana; what more do you want from me?

How do you kill a blonde? You shoot her.

What's worse than terminal cancer? Two terminal cancer?

Why didn't the chicken cross the road? ... Well, do you know or not?

What's worse than an arrow to the knee? -A bullet in the head.

Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there. Just kidding because today brought terminal cancer.

knock knock whos there **gunshot ...man that gun show next door is annoying

How did the old man die? He was shot after eating a rather large watermelon while skydiving out of a helicopter, boob fighting 5 toddlers.

One day a kid said to his mom: "Mom, I painted the bed sheets with your lipstick". So his mom got mad.

How do you get a Mexican's attention? "Excuse me, may I have your attention?"

Why did the mailman deliver the wrong mail to people's houses? He's a bad mailman.

why did the elephant fall out of the tree? it was hit by a fridge. why did the monkey fall out of the tree? it was sellotaped to the elephant.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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