Q: John gets attacked with a chainsaw, how many stitches does he get? A: None, Hes dead jim

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A man wakes up in his bed and looks at the clock. He realises he is gonna be late for work. He quickly gets out of bed, into the bathroom, has a shower, puts his deodorant on and brushes his teeth, gets dressed, and goes in his car. He drives out of his garage and drives to his work but gets stuck in traffic. He then gets to the car park of his work and parks his car. He gets out, goes up the elevator to his floor, when the elevator door opens to his floor, he quickly says hello to Terrance and goes to his bosses office. And guess what the boss says? You're late.

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Why was Timmy sad? While helping his dad hang Christmas light, he got tangled up in them and fell down. While falling he grabbed a wire, which caused a spark. This spark lit the house on fire. Since he broke most of the bones in his body from falling he could not run away. The house proceeded to collapse an poor Timmy seriously injuring and hideously disfiguring him. By the time the ambulance got there, Timmy was the only survivor for his parents died of smoke inhalation. Since he had no other living relatives he was forced to live in an orphanage for the rest of his childhood. That is why Timmy is sad.

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Why did the boy fail his midterm? he didnt study.

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What did Stephen Hawking say after he scaled Mount Everest? Yay!

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Q: How many cancer patients does it take to change a lightbulb? A: None, they are too weak to climb the ladder.

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what's worse than stubbing your toe? 9/11

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What do you get when you cross a lion and a tiger? A Ligor.

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If a tree fell in the forest, and no one was around to hear it, would you like a cupcake?

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How do you paint a wall red? Throw a baby at it.

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KENYAN HEALTHCARE kenyan water kenyan aids-free kenyan we dont have flies around us

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Why did the lion get lost? Because the jungle is massive

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What starts with F and ends with U-C-K? Firetruck

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WNBA

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Why couldn't Timmy enjoy his ice cream? His lips were sewn together by an evil seamstress who was mad that he stole all of her Pop-Tarts

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A black man is trapped inside a bottle, how does he get out? He doesn't it is simply impossible for a human to get trapped inside a bottle.

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If life gives you melons. You may be dyslexic.

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Q: What's worse than getting jury duty? A: Getting herpies from a rabbit

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Roses are red, my name is Dave, this poem makes no sense, microwave

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What's the difference between cancer and my grandmother? She doesn't have cancer.

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The next person to submit a 'roses are red' 'joke', is cursed to always prematurely ejaculate from here until eternity

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It is better to have loved and lost, Than to have fallen, bleeding, into shark-infested waters.

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Knock Knock Who's there? Your mom. Just kidding, it's the pizza guy. Pizza guy who?

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Why was the clock off? Because it was broken

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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