Did you hear about the kidnapping in Milwaukee? They woke him up.

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Why can't you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom? Because the p is silent!

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I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

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What did little Timmy get for Christmas after he was diagnosed with leukemia? A gift card to Bed Bath and Beyond because he was interested in redecorating.

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How do Chinese people name their kids? They could look up a baby-names book, consult their family history, or make one up

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What's the hardest part of a vegetable to eat? The wheelchair.

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Yo momma is so fat that....actually she's quite fit and i'd love to take her out on a date.

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WHAT DOES A NUMBER DO WHEN IT'S HORNE? MATHDERBATION

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Why did the mailman deliver the wrong mail to people's houses? He's a bad mailman.

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Why did helen kellers dog committ suicide? You would to if you had massive clinical depression.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, This is a poem, Penis knuckle.

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What's louder than a cat stuck in a tree? A foghorn.

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What's disabled and red all over. The kid I hit with my car.

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Why was Timmy crying? Because he got raped.

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What is annoying and uses another language? Spanish class!

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Hollywood today: If you Like Dragonball Evolution you are gonna love this. Peter Linkoff a 16 year old boy, is being chased by his half brother Jack Ganonbad as Peter Falls into a hole, which contains a cellphone... ...THE LINK TO PLANET ZELDA! There he discovers that he holds the Link between earth and Zelda, and just then planet Zelda is threatened by The Evil Master Sword! A Meteor so destructive, that it sheer force could destroy the entire universe! *Random scenes going by so fast that you cant make shit out of them begins* "PETER LINKOFF YOU ARE IN DANGER!" *BOOOOOOM*" "BUT WHAT IF HE IS NOT THE DELIVER OF THE BOOMERANG!" Iiiit is said... Thhaat heee that wields the lasergun known as the wooden sword...<

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What do you get when you mix 5 bottles of beer, a bottle of vodka, 3 glasses of red wine, and 15 jello shots? Alcohol poisoning.

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Q: What did the boy with cancer get for Christmas? A: He died on Christmas Day, before his parents could tell him they had maxed out their credit cards to take him to Disney World. His father has since relapsed into alcoholism. He knows his wife is cheating on him with another man, but understands that she needs comfort that he cannot give her.

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The President, The Pope, and a small child are all in an airplane when the pilot announces that the plane is going to crash. They crash into the ocean and quickly remember that there is a life vest under their seats, which they promptly put on and safely inflate after exiting the cabin of the aircraft.

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Things i like to do when im bored; chase after ostriches take major dumps masturbate give myself major erections EJ

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Because the tractor hadn't seen the chicken.

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What did the kid with no arms and legs get for his birthday? A bicycle.

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What's the difference between a pelican? 28, because elephants have 4 legs.

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What do you call a cow that's not cooked? A cow

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops