I tried to play soccer a long time ago. I didn't score and managed to get red card... Then I realized it was not my thing

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There was a brunette, a blonde and a red head, They were all great friends!

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What do u call a joke with no punchline? An anti-joke

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What's big white and can't fly? -Half of America Whats big brown and can't fly? -Crap

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Why are there so many blacks in prison? *The rest of this joke has been removed to avoid causing offence*

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What did the girl say to the boy? You are a boy.

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Roses are red violets are red I think I'm bleeding It's getting in my eyes

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A dead guy walks into a grave.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I wanted tobe cool, But I look like you

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What's love like? Some people say it's like a lotus flower, others say it's like an orchid... Personally I'd like to say it's like a fire at the bottom of you're soul-- like when people sin and go to hell... that fire burns forever???

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What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? It is unlikely that this situation would occur, as tractors are very large objects and losing one would be very hard, furthermore, tractors are vital agricultural vehicles and most farmers would take care in not misplacing one.

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An elderly lady walks into a grocery store, and nothing of a great significance happens.

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What did the psychiatrist say to the man wearing nothing but Saran Wrap? - "That's for food. You should wear clothes instead."

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Who won the race through the underpass, the black man or the polish man? The black man as he crossed the finish line several seconds earlier.

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There are 3 guys, a fat guy, a skinny guy, and sexy guy. They all work together and have lunch together. The fat guy opens his bag and eats a ham and turkey sandwich. The skinny guy opens his bag and eats a tuna sandwich. The sexy guy opens his bag and eats an egg sandwich. The fat guy finishes his meal. The skinny guy saves half for later. The sexy guy ate more than half of his food. A genie magically appears. The End

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A poor woodcutter accidentally dropped his axe into the nearby river when taking a particularly forceful swipe at the tree he was cutting. He felt so dejected he wept. Then, the goddess of the river appeared. "What ails thee, my dear man?" she asked. "My axe -- it fell in the river!" stuttered the weeping woodcutter. "Do not worryI am the goddess of this river, and will find your axe!" said the River Goddess and dived into the river. After waiting eagerly for several minutes, the woodcutter was resigned to the fact that he had imagined the River Goddess.

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Knock knock! Who's there? A Doorbell salesman.

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Q: What Did Alakazam Use To Listen Gangnam Style? A: He Used Psybeam.

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I have magical powers. Try your best to not to follow these instructions: Ready? Go. You are now blinking your eyes. (strike 1) You are now breathing voluntary. (strike 2) You suddenly have an itch somewhere on your body. (strike 3) You lost. Thanks for playing my little game. Hope you enjoy thinking of a flying pink elephant with wings.

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What do you call a black pilot? A PILOT

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A praying mantis is very graceful

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Are you from Africa because you sure look likes you've got Ebola

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What's the difference between unicorns and black people? Years of slavery.

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Q: What was the last thing to enter the bug's mind as it flew into the windshield? A: His back legs.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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