What did the mental patient say to the apple? She didn't say anything because she was a catatonic schizophrenic.

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Q : WHAT DID THE SMALL SHEEP SAY TO THE BIG SHEEP ? Z : BÆÆÆ

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Doctor, doctor, I just swallowed a roll of film! That was an incredibly foolish and dangerous thing for you to do. I would be surprised if you survived another day before the chemicals corrode your stomach lining and release hydrofluoric acid throughout your body causing sepsis.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? I dont really care anymore BECAUSE I'M SICK AND TIRED OF THIS CLICHE!

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Getting raped.

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Why do elephant tusks stick out? For uprooting trees and bushes, and for defending their young.

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Knock knock! Who's there? Alexis. Hi, come in!

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teacher: what is your name? student: some people call me attractive (mx)

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Vegeta, what does the scouter say about his power level? I can't remember... :(

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1,000 americans jump off a plane. They all die as a result of not having parachutes.

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wheres an unexpected place to find sand? a human pancreas.

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Q:Why did the black man fall down? A: he got hit in the face by a refrigerator

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side

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When life gives you lemons you are like "how did I get these lemons?"

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what do you call an icy road? dangerous.

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How do you call a black person in KFC? By a Phone.

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What did the asian boy's parents say when he came home with a report full of b-pluses? "You did well, but try harder next time."

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Two girls are in a car together. The one in the drivers seat is texting while driving. The girl in the passengers seat notices this and tells her the she should put it away in case of a risk of a collision. She apologizes and puts it away and the two of them drive to the store unharmed and continued their normal day.

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Knock Knock. Who's there? The police. You're under arrest. The police you're under arrest who? Sir, if you don't open up the door we're going to have to open it ourselves. We have a warrant for your arrest. Sir if you don't open up the door we're going to have to open it ourselves we have a warrant for your arrest who? Sir we are authorized to use deadly force. If you don't comply we will shoot to kill. Sir we are authorized to use deadly force if you don't comply we will shoot to kill wh-

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Why did a little kid's mom let go of his hand? John Wilks Booth shot her

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Roses are grey Violets are grey I'm a dog

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1,2,3,4,5..what comes next? yeah you should know how to count

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Schizophrenia will affect over 1.5 million people this year. At least, thats what my flying, albino pet rhinoceros told me.

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What day is it today? It's "Jack Daniels Day" according to that guy with the shopping cart filled with kittens.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops