There once was a man from Nantucket, His dick was so long it caused tremendous physical discomfort, and it was extremely difficult for him to find pants that did not reveal his freakish abnormality, and greatly limited his levels of intimacy. After botched reduction surgery, he was left without a penis at all and, realising the horrible irony, threw himself into a raging river (experiencing no shrinkage whatsoever).

thumb_up thumb_down -10

did you hear about the fly on the toilet? i heard he got pissed off!

thumb_up thumb_down -10

A man walks into a bar The bartender asks: What would you like to drink?

thumb_up thumb_down -10

roses are red violets are blue pornhub is down ya mums facebook will do

thumb_up thumb_down -10

What did one Teacher say to the other teacher? Nothing. The first teacher has a horrible drinking habbit which is getting out of hand, He beats his wife and children each night after his drinks at the bar. His parents have stopped all contact and he found some divorce papers in his wifes draw, also saying she would be getting full costudy of the children. He has lost the majority of his friends and didnt want to loose another one, and kept his problems to himself.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Once there was an English man, A Scottish man and an Irsh man. They were all in a scenario where each of them had to undetake a task. The English man and the Scottish man undertook their task without any problems, but the Irish man was confused resulting in a hilarious outcome.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

What is orange, has 7 legs, and makes the same noise as a crow? If you can think of something that fits all of those characteristics, you need help

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Why did the chicken cross the road? Why would the chicken cross a road

thumb_up thumb_down -10

What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the car? "Get in the car."

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Some potential names for Justin Beiber's next album: Headache Wailing and Screaming Eardrum Rapist Anger Half Price Indescribable Out of Print April Fools The Sounds of Hell Torture Ear Basher

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Why couldn't Helen Keller drive? At age two, she contracted an illness that left her blind, deaf, unable to speak, and was considered backwards of intelligence. She lived in a dark and hopeless world of her own, rendering her unable to do anything, let alone drive.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Why did dave not hug his wife? becuase he said she looked horrifying from the war in iraq.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

why do black people like lotion? because everybody else does.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

What succeeds most of the time? The population of a field with grass.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Why did the fat guy survive the the plane crash? He was late to get up due to a malfunctioning alarm clock and so missed his flight, sparing him of the tragic outcome the other passengers suffered. To this day he still thinks about how a completely random occurrence saved his life.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Q: What's better than winning a gold medal at the Special Olympics? A: Not struggling with a debilitating mental or physical handicap.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

A horse walks into a bar, the bartender says, "why the long face" and the horse says "my wife just died of skin cancer."

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Whats round and bouncy? A bouncy ball

thumb_up thumb_down -10

What did Helen Keller name her dog? ruh-ruh-blah-blah-bluh

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Whats sadder than 20 dead babies nailed to a tree? The Parents...

thumb_up thumb_down -10

why didn't the baby cry once it came out of the womb? because it was a stillborn.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Roses are red, and blood is too. But violets are purple. NOT FUCKING BLUE.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

A hipster walks into a bar you've never heard of...

thumb_up thumb_down -10

why is your grandfather climbing up a pole? hes not

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops