What did the parakeet say to the grapefruit? Nothing. Parakeets can't speak.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

How many Jews can you fit in a car? It really depends on the make and model of the car, as well as the relative size and weight of the people in question, but legally you can only have as many people in the car as there are seatbelts available for them.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Q. What's a pirate's favorite type of movie? A. It depends on the individual pirate, although most modern-day pirates are from third world countries like Somalia and so are too poor to be able to watch many movies. Classical pirates like those depicted in Treasure Island or Pirates of the Carribean are, of course, from a period of history before movies had been invented, so couldn't possibly have had a favorite.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Hey I Just Met You , And This is Crazy But Don't Text. My Phone Cuz You Stalk Me Daily #Taste_MyCarmel

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Why was Joseph Kony at a primary school ? It was 3 o'clock and his children had just finished a long hard day learning to read and right and it was his turn to pick them up after him and misses Kony developed a schedule one late night after the odd glass of wine or two.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Yesterday I saw a blind man walking down the street, I asked if he needed help and he said "I'm fine thanks." Later on I saw a deaf man walking down the street and asked if he needed help. He didn't hear me, he then fell off the curb and was hit by a car.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

one day a bear was eating for winter he ate about half what he had to and said "Im tired ill take a nap and eat the rest later. one month later he died of starvation

thumb_up thumb_down -19

What do you call a black man on the moon - A Problem What do you call 5 black men on the moon - A Bigger Problem What do you call every black person on the moon - Problem Solved!

thumb_up thumb_down -19

On a scale of 1 to Chris Brown how angry are you?

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Its over 9000 penises and they're all raping little children!!!!!

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Q: Whats blue and white and if it fell out of a tree it could kill you? A: A tree wearing a denim jacket.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

how many jews does it take to screw in a lightbulb? one................ standing on a pile of dead babies.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

why did the monkey fall out of a tree?? a snail threw a refridgerator at him

thumb_up thumb_down -19

why did the magician stop doing magic ? he got hit by a bus and died

thumb_up thumb_down -19

A student exclaimed "This test is a piece of cake!" He ate it.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Q: What's not funny and has three wheels? A: The Holocaust, I lied about the wheels and not being funny.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

despite popular opinion to the contrary you shouldn't eat mercury.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

why did the hedge hog cross the road? To get to his 'flat' mate!!

thumb_up thumb_down -19

There were 3 children: Flower, Petal and Fridge. Flower asked, "Mum, why is my name Flower?" to which she replied "Because a flower was the first thing to fall on you when you were born." Petal asked, "Mum, why is my name Petal?" to which she replied "Because a petal was the first thing to fall on you when you were born." Fridge said, "Herp derp dur" to which Fridge's mother replied "Shut up, Fridge."

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Who's looking for judicial toenail clippings?

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Your mom is so hairy... it doesn't even seem like she underwent chemotherapy for her breast cancer a few months ago.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

A priest, a minister, and a rabbi walk into a butcher's shop. The priest and the minister each by a pound of pork while the rabbi doesn't because one of the 613 Commandments is that a Jew shall not eat any animal with hooves.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

What did Hitler say when he was dying? He said, "I'm dying."

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops