Why did the blonde leave the lamp on while sleeping? Because it helps to see in case you need to get up in the middle of the night. YOU THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO SAY "BECAUSE THEY'RE A LIGHT SLEEPER!" MUAHAHAHAHAHA

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Your mother is so fat, she developed diabetes and was rushed to hospital. She might not make it.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

there's a bus full of black people what do you call the white bus driver? coach.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Q: What do you call a stop sign in the winter? A: A stop sign in the winter.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Why did the 18 year old girl take her clothes off? To take a shower

thumb_up thumb_down -3

why does Tom Sawyer like apples? He likes their flavor

thumb_up thumb_down -3

What does a fish and a truck have in common? Nothing. One is a fish & one is a truck.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

School is like a boner. It is long and hard unless your asian.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Why couldn't the horse open the door? - Because it was locked...Beeeeeeeeeeeeeef Jelly

thumb_up thumb_down -3

What is the biggest lie ever? "I have read and agreed to the Terms of Use"

thumb_up thumb_down -3

One Zebra and One Elephant was walking in the desert, the Zebra said its hot and the elephant said i know.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

What do you give the person who has everything? A 20$ gift voucher

thumb_up thumb_down -3

What did the man say to his wife while having sex? I don't know.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Girl you must be Jamaican...because you're black and annoying.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

What did one bulbasaur say to one squirtle? Well, first off, pokemon are virtual animals created solely for the enjoyment of entertaining japanese children and causing seizure episodes. This fictional creation then migrated to an american tv market, still maintaining their superficial existence while continuing to promote slavery and the use of round balls that capture your problems and propagate winning through random ball throwing. They are fake, and as they are fake, the bulbasaur said "we are fake"

thumb_up thumb_down -3

A Man Gets Cancer He eventually Loses all his hair and drops dead

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Why was the sock sad? Impossible. Socks dont have emotions.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Why did the man punch NUGE in the face? Because he got angry that NUGE was being such a BA person and he was jealous of NUGE'S style and he just got dumped by his ugly as poop mom which was eating Anti Chicken.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

What happened to tommy for his birthday ? A new pear of shoes to put on. Tommy feet just got amputated. But it's okay... Tommy got a new comb. Tommy just got cancer. But it's okay tommy got a new pet dog... Tommy is abused by the dog I know what your thinking a dog can't abuse someone it was a cat

thumb_up thumb_down -3

A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as this could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

You had 10 bricks on an airplane, you throw one. How many do you now have? 9. How do you get the elephant in the fridge? Open the fridge put the elephant in. How do you get the giraffe in the fridge? Open the fridge, take the elephant out, put the giraffe in. There was an animal meeting, all animals were invited. Which animal was missing? The giraffe, because he's still in the fridge. An old woman wants to cross a river that was full of crocodiles. How does she cross without getting eaten? The crocodiles were at the animal meeting, so she got across safely. She dies anyways. What happened? She was hit by the brick.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

What's the most confusing day in Mexico? Father's Day.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

What do you call it when you take cheese that isn't yours? Stolen bitch, your under-arrest!

thumb_up thumb_down -3

There's now a sandwich named after Jerry Sandusky, it's got 60 year old meat stuffed between buns barely out of the oven.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops