Who has two thumbs and lost them? Me but I can't really point at myself due to the lack of thumbs.

How do you make a firefighter happy? Give him a blowjob and 10 million dollars.

Interviewer: Are you currently a smoker? Applicant: Are you implying that I look like a chimney?

Roses are red. Violets are red. Daisies are red. WHY IS MY GARDEN ON FIRE?

Why couldn't the woman give her sister a present? Because she just got eaten by zombies.

Whats better then a guard llama two Guard llamas

What do you call a banana in a blender? A banana in a blender. Duh

Did you know: it is scientifically proven that people who have more birthdays live longer

http://www.google.com/imgres?q=harry+styles+funny&hl=en&safe=active&biw=1024&bih=398&gbv=2&tbm=isch&tbnid=lc8_fNCatYHOqM:&imgrefurl=http://www.vervegirl.com/harry-being-typical-harry/&docid=86Gw8eNJ73tOYM&imgurl=http://www.vervegirl.com/cms/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/harry-styles-300.jpg&w=300&h=400&ei=q4vHT9XwHYL48gSJoJzJDw&zoom=1

Why was the boy cold? Because he couldn't afford clothing.

Roses are red violets are blue tulips are purple/pink

What's worse than seeing Charlie sheen in a Turkish bath house? Watching the direct tv commercial for the 100th time today

What is invisible and smells like rabbits? Bunny farts.

What do you call a KKK member? ...racist

What did the french toast say to the french fry? I don't know, I don't speak french.

Jerry Sandusky and two other men are on a cruise ship, when it suddenly starts to sink. The first man says, "save the children!" The second man says, "screw the children!" Jerry Sandusky drowned.

How do you make a baby stop crawling? Nail it to the ground

Whats brown and rhymes with Snoop? Dr. Dre

Teacher- What comes after 69 Boy- Mouthwash?? Teacher- LEAVE!

WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS ROAD?!!! cause he was silly

A man is watching a football game and sees a comercial for a medicine that boosts testosterone levels. However, this man has no issues with his testosterone levels, so he proceeds to watch the rest of the game and then goes to bed.

What did the archangel Michael say to Jesus? "Hello, Jesus."

How do you learn how to drive? You get in the driver seat

What did the little boy say to Micheal Jackson? Shouldn't you be dead?

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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