What gets wetter as it dries? Sarah Jessica Parker

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Q: Who was shot 50 years ago? A: Abraham Lincoln was shot 50 years ago! (=

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Why are soccer players sad? They couldn't play Football.

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haha

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That awkward moment when your brother goes to crack his neck, but he dies instead.

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knock knock whose there? penis penis who? penis want vagina

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What's red white, blue and hilarious? Glasgow Rangers in administration!

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knock knock? who's there? ivan ivan who? ivan. i want you to apologize for tooking their jobs the other day i said ivan who? i dont have a middle or last name

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A guy, arriving at the pearly gates of Heaven, asks St. Peter "Why did I die? Why me." St. Peter replies: "You died the same way everyone does. Lack of oxygen to the brain."

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What do you call dinosaur flatulence? Jurassic Fart!

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How do you kill a dumb blonde? Personally, I love stabbing them.

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You had ONE job. Unfortunately, it wasn't enough to support your dying wife and ill child.

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a bunch of guys did cocain for the first time. they later died from a drug over dose.

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The declaration of Independence was singed in? Pen.

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What's the difference between a pile of rotting shit about to be re-heated in the microwave and Kevin James's new movie "The Zookeeper" ... Nothing.

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learn. advance!

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What did the foreigners do to pass time? They blew up the twin towers.

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This guys grandma comes to live with him. While shes there she has a stroke. He rushes her to the hospital and waits for her to come out of surgery. The doctor comes out and says "i got good news and bad news" The guy says " give me the bad news" the doctor says "your grandma has had a massive stroke and wont be able to go to the bathroom by herself or eat by herself, so you'll have to feed her baby food and change her Diaper for the rest of her life." So then the guy goes " well shit whats the good news" The doctor goes "Ahh im just kidding she died"

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What the heck are you gonna do if you're on a picnic and have an ice cream and then the ants crawl on the ice cream, what are you gonna do? You're gonna eat the ants because it's made out of protein.

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roses are red, violets are blue, dandelions are yellow, tulips are pink, sunflowers are black and yellow, my dick is 13 inches long.

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OMG, I have a really funny alzheimer's joke. Your'e gonna love it! Uhh, I umm kinda forgot what it was now.

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Why do black people always sit in the back of the bus? There aren't any available seats in the front.

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Color Blind people are so stupid that they can't even see color. I've been seeing color since I was a small child. They are so stupid.

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What do Tutankhamun and Elvis Presley have in common? They're dead

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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