So a train conductor is going at 70 mph to to a destination 50 miles away. He goes over 3 hills, one at 20 mph, the other 42 mph, and the last at 63 mph. He crosses 2 bridges at 47 mph each. What did the train conductors mom eat for dinner that night Nothing she had cancer and died.

thumb_up thumb_down +30

Kid A:We're home alone, you know what that means. Kid B:Cover ourselves in vaseline and slide around like slugs on the kitchen floor? Kid A:Yes

thumb_up thumb_down +30

Hey, in case you are around and still wonder how he got out. Anonymous tip from yours truly, if he had remained there, you would all have taken the blame. Just stay away from the deep web, and I wont be forced to come get all of you as well. For a long while I was suspicious that you might have been leaking information regarding me and all of us, but then the rules changed and information regarding Point Zero, subtle hints and such, began spreading, it has been removed, nobody will know what Intel was sold, so yeah, he was a mole, he is no more, for this I am sorry.

thumb_up thumb_down +30

Roses are Red grass is greener every time i think of you i touch my weiner

thumb_up thumb_down +28

What do you call a fish with no eyes? A blind fish.

thumb_up thumb_down +28

What do you call a black man reading a book? An avid reader that happens to be black

thumb_up thumb_down +28

interviewer: young man, do you think you can handle a variety of work? Young man: I ought to be able to. I’ve had 12 different jobs in 4 months.

thumb_up thumb_down +28

Ask me any question. Okay, what is your favorite color? I refuse to answer.

thumb_up thumb_down +28

Why did Suzie fall off the swing? She has no arms.

thumb_up thumb_down +28

What did the white man do when he got a black eye? He thanked the gracious african-descented donor, and with a little luck he just might see his beautiful wife and kids again

thumb_up thumb_down +28

Why didn't Jimmy ever get his butt of the couch? His butt was nailed to it and he was also dead. Why didn't his parents save him? they died before he did.

thumb_up thumb_down +28

Q. What's the difference between a duck? A. An orange.

thumb_up thumb_down +28

What's green, little, and eats rocks? A Little Green Rock-Eater What's green and has a thousand wheels? A lawn, I lied about the wheels! If I were to throw a rock down the a whole in the center of the earth (straight through) what would happen? The Little Green Rock-Eater would eat it!

thumb_up thumb_down +28

when life gives you lemons, force a hobo to eat them because lemonade is going to suck if life doesnt give you any sugar.

thumb_up thumb_down +28

Why did the chiken cross the road? idk, i can't talk to chikens

thumb_up thumb_down +28

Q: Why is 6 afraid of 7? A: 7 is a registered sex offender.

thumb_up thumb_down +28

A rapist, black guy, and a homophob walk into a bar and the bartender says nice game last night kobe.

thumb_up thumb_down +28

Knock Knock Who's there? Interrupting owl Interrupting owl- HOOOOOOOOOOOO

thumb_up thumb_down +28

Why do new moms put "BABY ON BOARD" stickers on the backs of their cars? No reason. Hitting someone's car baby inside or not is against the law and very dangerous for passengers of any age.

thumb_up thumb_down +28

What do you call Jake Morter? Jake Morter

thumb_up thumb_down +28

whats purple and not a rapist barney, I lied about the rapist part

thumb_up thumb_down +28

why can't Michael Jackson bake a pie???? Because he's dead

thumb_up thumb_down +28

An Asian, white, and a black man decide to play Russian Roulette. The Asian goes first and shoots himself in the head. The white man picks up the gun for his turn. The black man runs down the street screaming. Cops see him and the white man holding the gun, both are sent to jail for life for the murder of their friend.

thumb_up thumb_down +28

What did the plane say to the other plane? Boy, those towers fall!

thumb_up thumb_down +28

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops