Stephen Hawking walks into a bar

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It couldn't handle the stress and pressure of being a duck so it committed suicide by crossing a road and therefor being run over by a car.

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I spilled spot remover on my dog, now hes gone.

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What do the NRA and PETA have in common? Both are prominent interest groups from whom political candidates try to obtain votes.

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Dakota Fanning

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How many blondes does it take to change a diaper? About a thousand

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What happens when a man goes to college? He gets a degree and graduates most of the time or he fails miserably.

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Hey I just met you, and this is crazy, but here's a free drink, you'll wake up in my basement.

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Why couldn't Jimmy ride his bike? Jimmy was a goldfish.

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Q: Who was the best Jewish cook? A: Hitler.

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NEVER

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Whats the difference between a baby and a sandwhich... I dont rape my sandwhiches before i eat them

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What do you call a dolphin without a head? Dead.

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A Hispanic was walking down the street, he turned left and was at his house.

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What happened to the pleasure robot he pleasured someone in the pussy

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Doctor, doctor! I think I've got an ear infection. I best give you some medicine.

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A: Why do you look like a dog? B: Idk.

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What really killed Adolf Hitler? The gas bill

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How many hipsters does it take to change a light bulb? ...You mean, you don't know?

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What did the black man see when he looked in the mirror? His reflection.

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What do you call a large group of Chinese people on Mars? An extraordinary feat for the Chinese space program and a historic day in human history, where a particular country has set up the first human colony on another planet and we have proven to ourselves that our race is capable of interplanetary travel and can accomplish anything if we set our minds to it.

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Your momma is so fat she has an increased risk or cardiac arrest due to obesity. I ridicule her based on the theory that her morbid obesity is due to the fact that she has a diet consisting of large amounts of calories and high fat content and/or she is known to be very sedentary and does not partake in physical exercise. However, if this increase in body fat content is due to genetics I retract my previous statement and wish only the best for her, also, you might want to lower your calorie intake and visit your local gym, lest you succumb to morbid obesity, much like your mother.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? His wife and children had just been struck by a moving vehicle traveling at approximately 45 miles per hour trying to cross the same road. He ran across the road to comfort his dying wife and two children as they took their final breaths. The chicken was also not really a chicken but a middle-aged man who had recently been laid off his job and diagnosed wiuth an incureable disease.

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If you have ten apples, and I take away three, then you will only have seven apples left, because ten minus three is seven. On the other hand, if I have a hundred apples, and you take away ninety-six, then I will call the police on you because that is stealing and it is not allowed. I will also remove you from my friends list on Facebook because stealing isn't nice.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops