A man asks his doctor if you can die from drinking to much water. The doctor replies 'Yes you can'

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Why did Jay-Z rob a bank? Wait, nevermind. Jay-Z didn't rob a bank.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

What do you call a really bad band? One with a poor guitar player, a bad bass player, sloppy drums, obnoxious vocals, and all of the songs sound the same. Or Nickelback.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Q: What do you call a vacuum that doesn't suck stuff up? A: A broken vacuum.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Roses are gray Violets are gray I really wish That I wasn't color blind

thumb_up thumb_down -15

What's the difference between a pizza and a jew? A pizza is an Italian food and a jew is a human that practices the Jewish faith

thumb_up thumb_down -15

I can still remember the last words my brother said before he kicked the bucket. "Hey you guys,how far do you think I can kick this bucket?"

thumb_up thumb_down -15

A priest and a small child enter a bar. The bartender takes his son back from the priest, paying him $30 for his exemplary babysitting services.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Little Jack Horner sat in a corner eating a Christmas pie. He died the next morning because it was Easter and the pie had remained unrefrigerated since the holidays. His parents were brought up on charges of neglegent homocide. Plus, they had a meth lab in the guest bathroom and ran a prostituion ring off of Craig's list. Jack's sister is now in the care of loving foster parents,who plan on adopting her and she misses her brother. Easter is a sad reminder of her former life, even though she is now a devout Christian and acknowledges the day as that of our Lord's ressurection. She plans on going to college to study nursing, someday.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Why do blonde girls like penis? Because it tastes good

thumb_up thumb_down -15

How long did it take Jeff, a middle-aged man with a lifelong speech-destroying lisp, to overcome his impediment? Less than ten minutes, as carbon monoxide is a colorless, odorless toxic gas that eliminates oxygen at a rapidly-acting rate inside of small areas such as the car Jeff locked himself inside.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Why can't Helen Keller drive? She is both blind and deaf, and doing so would put others in danger.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Why was Uncle Monty's head damn tasty? Because he shoved it up a horses arse when it needed a shit.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Roses-are-red violets-are-blue Justin's-for -me Not-for-u if-by-chance u-take-my-place I'll-grad-fist &-smash-ur-face

thumb_up thumb_down -15

There was a scientist that was doing a social experiment with mothers and their children. The name of first kid was named candy because it was her mothers favourite thing. The second kid name was rose because it was her mothers Favourite thing. The last mother knew what was happening and said to her son "Come on Dick".

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Q: why did the dog fall down the stairs? A: Because I pushed him down.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Large 4

thumb_up thumb_down -15

What's worse than a fake bomb? Do I really have to answer that?

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because the turkey was in the oven and all the farm animals thought the chicken could run the errands in his place just fine.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Your're racist.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

a priest and a jewish guy walk into a bar. they both drink as expected and go home to their families

thumb_up thumb_down -15

How many cows does it take to screw in a light bulb? Either one super cow or none because cows don't even have apposable thumbs

thumb_up thumb_down -15

you see theres this guy.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Why did a white man get kicked out of the Olympics 2012¿ Because he did not have down syndrome

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops