Q: What's the upside to your otherwise miserable life? A: You only got raped twice last week.

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Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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Q: How to make a man who suffers from hypochondria want to kill himself? A: You take a shet on his face.

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Why did the airplane crash? The pilot had a stroke.

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WITH YOUR RED THUMBS COMBINED! I AM CAPTAIN MORAL! You: GOOOOO (AWAY) MORAL! CAPTAIN MORAL MAN, IS A HERO, GONNA TAKE GREEN THUMBS RIGHT BACK TO ZERO... Moral: Okay that is all I remember about the Captain Planet Theme song... GIVE ME RED THUMBS MUAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA! PS: Redhead, three months have passed (more or less) I wont call you because we agreed you would get of this fucking place, but I can visit you if you are a good little girl! And yeah I am calling you Red, Tifa just reminds me of Final Fantasy and your big bosoms so yeaaaaah get your little red haired cunt over here so we can chat yes?

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roses are red ur face is too and if u r hot my penis is going in u

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Q. What's cold and has no feelings? A. A pole

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(PC) Why aren't regular jokes as good as anti-jokes? Because they are worse than anti-jokes.

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What did the flower say to it's friends? I want to kill a Christmas tree.

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A) why did the black guy leave the bar B) cause he was tired and wanted to go home

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did you hear about the circus fire? it was tragic and hundreds of people were killed.

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why was six afraid of seven? because seven raped sixes mom

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Human race: Let's play hide and seek! BOEING MH370: K faggotz :P

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Q:Why did Santa, the tooth fairy, and a rich man jump out of a plane? A: On Christmas Eve, a rich man was skydiving and lost his tooth as he plummeted towards the beautiful plateau.

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why did tom shut his bedroom door? grandma was fingering herself

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Roses are red violets are blue this poem is stupid.

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when your out of toilet paper what do you do? get more

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Roses are red. Violets are red. Daisies are red. WHY IS MY GARDEN ON FIRE?

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Being raped by a Triceratops.

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Why was Timmy crying when he got home? His family was dead in a pile with a pitchfork going through each of their bodies

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Two muffins are sitting in an oven. They then proceed to bake into tasty pastries which are then eaten for snacks or maybe a light breakfast.

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Bob Saget that is all

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Sometimes I finger myself to some Madonna and Mary J. Blige shit. - Jesse

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want more?

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops