How do u get a baby to stop crawling in circles? Nail its other hand to the floor

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I was not scared, I was disappointed, I was expecting to see you for you, not the whole strange outfit getup, what was the point of that? I know the deal about hypnosis and stuff, did you know it is actually known as monoideoism? But I really cant figure for the life of me how it is physically possible to be under a deep state of trance and completely awake at the same time.

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Why was the boy sad? Because he had a frog stapled to his face.

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What did the Goldfish say to the Black man? Nothing, because Goldfish do not have human-like vocal cords and therefore the Goldfish cannot speak.

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Did you know that you can drink lava? You can only do it once though.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue. I hate you so suck on poo.

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Why do Squirrels accidentally plant millions of trees. Because they bury their nuts and forget where they are.

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When you say that Chuck Norris has counted to infinity twice. I say that you cant count to infinity because it isnt a quantifyable number

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Roses are red Violets are blue Still the Holocaust

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Knock Knock. Who's there? Scott Scott who? Scott Henderson. Oh my god Scotty! I haven't seen you since highschool, please come in.

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Q: Why did the mugger kill the bus driver? A: Because he had a gun.

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what does the doctor do when he tells you you have aids? he laughs and says "hahahahahhaha sucks for you, i dont!"

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Why couldn't the pirate play poker? Poker is a tricky game - maybe he'd never been taught how to play.

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A black man is running down the street with a purse in his hand. He was trying to catch up to the old woman who forgot it at the restaurant. She was very grateful.

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What do you call Anne Franks life? A big game of hide and go seek.

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A: Knock Knock (pause) B: Please use the doorbell, it is very late and I like to be considerate of my neighbors

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A wise man once told me that friends are like cookies. He was a cannibal.

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If I told you I was straight I'd be lying

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What do all homosexuals have in common? Not much.

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If I could rearrange the letters of the alphabet.... dklaujeo bnvalue doiandkluq!!

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knock knock who's there? your destiny

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What does a homeless guy do when he's hungry ? Nothing, he has no food.

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Why did the girl scream? She was being raped.

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An Englishman, an Irishman, and a Scotsman walked into a bar. The Englishman ordered a lager, the Irishman ordered a Guiness, and the Scotsman ordered tap water.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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