So a duck walks into a pharmacy and says "i need some ointment for my beak, its rather chapped." and the Pharmacist said "Sorry we don't have anything for ducks here."

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Let's say you're inside a building and you are lost. You need to find directions to get out. But the building is so big almost like a maze or labyrinth. You start walking until you see 2 doors and each door is guarded by a man. Now in between the 2 doors is a message on the wall. It says: "Dear friend, I assume that you are lost and want to get out. There is hope! You have an option to choose one of these doors guarded by these men. You may ask one of these men which door leads to freedom. However, 1 guard ALWAYS tells a lie and 1 guard ALWAYS tells the truth. If you are to choose the wrong door, you will be locked in the building forever. So choose wisely and ask the right question. Good luck! Sincerely, the owner of the building." So you think to yourself and try to figure out what the hell did you get yourself into. This is a very tricking situation. You have one liar and one honest man. How can you tell which is lying and with is telling the truth? After minutes of confusion and thinking, you have finally decided to ask one guard a question. ----spoiler alert----- So you ask the guard one question. "What would the other guard say is the door to freedom?" The guard said "This door" You choose the opposite door and you are now free. The End [Explanation: You have 2 doors. Let's say door A is losing and door B is winning. If you ask the liar what would the other guard say, he we lie and say door A. So you pick the opposite door, which door B and you win. Now if you ask the truth teller what would the other guard say, he we tell the truth and say the same answer, door A. So you pick the opposite door and win]

thumb_up thumb_down +4

A man walks into a bar. He leaves a large rucksack by the pool table and walks out. The rucksack then explodes and kills 13 people because it is the height of the Troubles and the man is a member of the IRA, who targetted the bar because it is regularly visited by British servicemen. The media extensively cover the story, and the two sides of the conflict in Northern Ireland decide that the bloodshed must stop, which eventually made way to the Good Friday agreement of 1998.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

How many flies does it take to screw in a light bulb? Two but I don't know how they got in there.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

How many plumbers does it take to unscrew a lightbulb? Plumbers don't do that. Electricians do.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

How do you piss off a moose? You throw popcorn at it

thumb_up thumb_down +4

24

thumb_up thumb_down +4

why did the baby stop crying his mother killed him with an axe

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Duncan walks into a bar and is greeted by his friends Eric and Tom. Duncan tells them that his wife left and took the kids. Duncan then goes home and hangs himself.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

how do you see the difference between a ceiling and a floor? people dont walk on a ceiling

thumb_up thumb_down +4

You know what's worse than finding a real joke on antijoke.com? AIDS

thumb_up thumb_down +4

i woke up in the middle of the night and my entire bed was wet... know what i did? i layed a towel down and went back to sleep

thumb_up thumb_down +4

I don't know which one is emptier my bank account or my love life

thumb_up thumb_down +2

why did the boy get hit by a bus because he dropped his ice cream

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What did Marshawn Lynch say? Yeah

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Knock knock. "Who's there?" "It's Mr. Johnson, your next door neighbor." "Come on in."

thumb_up thumb_down +2

My friend asks me what my mom does for a living and i told him that she is a nurse. Then he says "That a good job because she is able to save lives". I quickly reply "She works in an abortion clinic".

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What did robin say to batman before they got I the car........ Get in the car.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What happened when Susie fell off the Ferris Wheel? There was an open seat.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Hey, is that your corvette? No, I thought it was yours.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Why did the mexican jump over the fence? It was a shortcut.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What's grey and doesn't climb trees? A car park.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Why was Jimmy so upset? Because both of his parents died.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

what has 52 teeth and holds back a monster? my zipper

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops