Q:When do you club a newborn baby? A:Whenever you want to because babies are stupid

thumb_up thumb_down -2

why did the man fall down? because he was shot.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Why do skinny women eat their food fresh cooked? So that they don't contract food-borne diseases and risk dying.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

A White man, a Black man, and an Asian man go to Heaven. They were in a plane crash.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

800000000000000000?0?00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000?0000 I hate you

thumb_up thumb_down -2

What do you get when you mix 5 bottles of beer, a bottle of vodka, 3 glasses of red wine, and 15 jello shots? Alcohol poisoning.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

What falls down, but never gets back up? A dead person.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he wanted to, like any other chicken

thumb_up thumb_down -2

What did the grape do when it got stepped on? Released some juice and burst its skin.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Q: IMAGINE that your in a heart racing battle with a huge grizzly bear when suddenly a bird picks you up and carries you to china and leaves you on the adge of a cliff which then you are chased by warriors and are forced to jump off the edge. What do you do? A: Wake up

thumb_up thumb_down -2

... a man has made himself a poop sandwich , refused to eat it and threw it away because it disgusted him ....

thumb_up thumb_down -2

2 corpses are sitting on a bridge one fell down both are dead

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Knock knock Who’s there? The police, your family was killed in a horrific car crash on highway 22 this morning at 10:15 after they collided head on with a truck. They died instantly if it is any conciliation. We will contact you further into our investigation. Dave then poured himself a whiskey and thought about all the good times he and his family shared, teaching Jessica to ride a bike, his and Kate’s honeymoon in Honolulu, playing catch with Jacob. That’s when the full extremity of the situation hit Dave causing him to break into tears he sat and cried for three hours and fifteen minutes. Once he had gotten that out of his system he decided to visit his mother and tell her the horrible news. Knock Knock Who’s there? Dave Dave who? Again Dave breaks into tears as his grandmothers althsiemers has progressed to the point where she can no longer remember her sons name. Feeling shattered he decides not to go through the process of explaining who he is and decides to head to the local pub to drown his sorrows. Bartender: hard day? Dave: my wife and two beautiful children were mauled in a head on collision with a truck and my mother can’t remember who I am. Bartender: yeah sure but was it a hard day? Dumbstruck with this ridiculous remark Dave pauses for a moment. The bar is silent only the sounds of bottles clinking and feet tapping on bar stools can be heard. Cigarette smoke hangs in the air. Dave stares at the bartender momentarily then throws his bottle at him send him off balance Dave then grabs the shot gun he knows the bartender keeps behind the counter and shoots the bartender at point blank range. Some customers run scared witless other try to control Dave but only end up in the same position as the bartender. Dave is left standing in a pool of blood. The smell of death hangs in the air with the cigarette smoke. Feeling slightly better Dave heads home and kills himself. Dave was an excellent plumber we will miss him.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

one day there was an ugly barnicle. he was SSSOOO ugly that everyone died the end -patrick

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Why did the man with seasonal allergies not take his medication? He had liver disease...read the fine print

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Roses are black, Violets are black, Everything's black, Oh wait... I'm blind.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Try this on your friend Have him start with "knock knock" Then blankly stare at him, if he asks you To reply tell him no one is home

thumb_up thumb_down -2

There was a blond girl and a brunette girl. The brunette had a pink shirt that had " Abercrombie & Fitch" on it. The blond looks at the brunette and asks, where did you get your shirt?

thumb_up thumb_down -2

What's black and white and red all over? I don't know either.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Whats worse than the holocaust? Nothing.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

What is the key to a good anti-joke? A disappointing or intellectual punch-line said in a calm and passive tone.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Why is the earth round? Because God saw it was flat and thought "too flat lets turn it around" And all was good.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

How do you kill a turtle? You can't, it has a shell for a reason.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

whats red and green and has 8 wheels. a stick

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops