What do you say to a blind man in a sunglasses store? Nothing. Why do you feel the need to bother strangers while you needlessly shop at your local merchandise outlet?

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I see London. I see France. Show me your boobs.

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A child walks into a bar. I swear those jungle gyms are too short.

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Your mom is so hairy... it doesn't even seem like she underwent chemotherapy for her breast cancer a few months ago.

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What should you do when you're constipated? Poop.

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What's big with fat all over it? Your mom on this dick

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what did one worm say to the other worm? nothing. worms are incapable of speaking.

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what is the difference beyween football and baseball the superbowl and world series

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when life gives you lemons, you make lemonade. when life gives you melons, you are soon diagnosed with dyslexia.

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How do you piss off a blind person? Tell him to piss in a round room.

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Why did the chicken cross the mobia strip? To get to the same side!

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Guys are like a sax. If no sound comes out, you're probably not blowing hard enough.

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Your so stupid that when during your baseball game your third base coach told you to run home, you did. The next day, you failed your test.

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A: knock knock A: knock knock knock... A: door bell

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Knock Knock Who's there? Jehovah's witness Damn...

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Stop asking stupid questions.....

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Q: Holy do you get a nun pregnant? A: You have sexual intercourse with her, and have an orgasm inside her body. Also, in vitro fertilization is a viable, albeit expensive, alternative for couples who have difficulty conceiving by standard intercourse.

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How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb? NONE A YO F******G BUSINESS!!!

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Ol-ive

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What do you call a child sitting alone in the back of a bus? Anti-social and on the verge of depression.

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What did the man do when his truck was stolen? He contacted the police, who immediately began searching for the culprit. He then contacted his car insurance company and was soon compensated for the full value of his truck. One day the man was in his new truck listening to the local news and heard that the thief was found and convicted of Grand Theft Auto; his name was Martin Kaiser.

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What happened when the little girl said Bloody Mary 3 times in the dark? - She got her head smashed in the mirror, all of her intestines were neatly ripped out and was stabbed to death with No.2 mechanical pencils. Then her parents came home from dinner to find their daughter brutally killed in her own room. They notified police, opened a case and gave up after 12 years of searching for her killer. Both parents cried for the amount of years their daughter had been gone and they both decided to kill each other. The father raped the mom while slitting the back of her neck that led to her head being detached. Then the father left his pick up truck running and through his head toward the engine, which didn't really work. So he went back inside and watched Three and A Half Men.

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I have a phone, Don't know where it's at, Forever Alone FAPFAPFAP

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A blond, a brunet, and a red head jumped off a bridge. Which one hit the ground first? In order to solve this problem you would first need to figure out witch of the three had more of a body mass. Then you would need to calculate the accretion in case one brought along a cow. However, in the end the outcome is always the same: 3 dead bodies on impact and 3 mourning families.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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