What happens when you put the batteries in BACKWARDS in the Energizer Bunny? Nothing. Nothing happens when you insert batteries backwards

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What did the blonde call her pet zebra? Isaac

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Do you know what the worst part about inbreeding is? - It's runs in the family!

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Doctor, doctor! I feel like a pair of curtains! That's a rather strange psychological problem I think you should consult a professional psychologist rather than see me.

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A man finds a lamp in the desert. He picks it up and dusts it off. The lamp becomes cleaner.

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A Jewish man gets on a train. He sits down and a hour and a half later he is dropped of at his proper destination.

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What did Helen Keller name her dog? jhdfsuigtreyuiertfguiryhg

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Whats black, white, and read/red all over? What? Michael Jackson after his surgery.

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Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 is a pedophile.

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Want to hear a joke? No.

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Your momma is such a slut, that she has unprotected sexual intercouse several times throughout any given day, with many different men.

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Why is McDonalds bad for you? Because their is so much fat in all its products, and contains many calories.

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There were 3 children: Flower, Petal and Fridge. Flower asked, "Mum, why is my name Flower?" to which she replied "Because a flower was the first thing to fall on you when you were born." Petal asked, "Mum, why is my name Petal?" to which she replied "Because a petal was the first thing to fall on you when you were born." Fridge said, "Herp derp dur" to which Fridge's mother replied "Shut up, Fridge."

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What happened to the Jewish child that used to live life like a normal kid? Him and his family were taken to a ditch and shot to death. --ZeNaziGermanDoctor

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What happened when the Mexican lays his head on a pillow? He falls asleep

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Your mamas so fat, she was self-conscious about her weight and became an antisocial vegetable.

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What did Steve say when his leg got chopped off? Nothing, he went into a state of shock before blacking out due to loss of blood. Later on, he died, and a week later, a funeral was held, in which nobody showed up, because nobody cared for Steve.

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Ed Rambo. EXPERIENCE as John Rambo is kidnapped by AL QUAIDA (because he did not totally save their ass in the second or third movie riiiight) Leaving Ed Rambo, his son (Played by Eddie Murphy) up to the task of saving him, from Al Quaida`s real leader... Yes, its a conspiracy! "Okay, first Obama is supposedly a terrorist, but seriously the secret alliance between Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton?" Bullshit movie reviews. "So the explanation is that Ed Rambo is black because John Rambo married an Asian woman? What about their age? They are probably the same or something!" Mad Magazine. Moral: Yeah because this annoys you, and you all kinda love me I know its Al Qaeda, but who wants to type that... Now it does not say Skynet is watching anymore... After four times... Wow, god damn we need robocop to be real before the Termitetrisnators travel back in time into our dimension. AND NOT ADAM SANDLERS: ROBOCOP.

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A white guy, a black guy, an Asian guy, and a Hispanic guy walks into a bar. The white guy orders a beer, the black guy orders a shot of vodka, the Asian guy orders a sake, and the Hispanic guy orders a shot of tequila. They were drinking and having a great time.

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A Priest a Rabbi and a duck walk into a bar. The rest of the patrons continue to drink until the situation seems less strange.

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Your mamas so fat, that any level of physical exercise is strenuous, but also mentally challenging, as she feels that there is a negative astigmatism attached to sweaty, red-faced overweight individuals trying to burn those pounds. This in turn makes her ashamed of the gastronomically decadent life she once lived, and so she doesn't have the confidence to try and reverse the damage she did during those insecure teenage years, instead comforting herself with the sugary, fatty bane of her life. She therefore lives in a vicious circle, angry at herself and the society that won't accept her. But remaining incredibly, repulsively fat.

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What do polar bears have that no other animal has? Polar bear babies.

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Q: Why did sally fall off the swing? A: Because she had no arms Knock Knock Who's there Not Sally! How did Sally die? She couldn't figure out how to open the fridge

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A family walks into a talent agency. It's a father, mother, son, daughter and dog. The father says to the talent agent, "We have a really amazing act. You should represent us." The agent says, "Sorry, I don't represent family acts. They're a little too cute." The mother says, "Sir, if you just see our act, we know you would want to represent us." The agent says, "OK. OK. I'll take a look." The father begins by juggling some balls. The mother pulls out her harmonica and begins playing "Dixie". The children and dog try and get the dog to jump through a hoop. For the longest time, the agent just sits in silence. Finally, he manages, "That's a hell of an act. What do you call it?" And the father says, "The Aristocrats!"

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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