A man with Tourette's syndrome walks into a bar. Because of his disease, he shouts unexpected profanities across the room, and everybody in the bar bursts into laughter. The man cannot handle the humiliation anymore and goes home. He opens a drawer in his bedroom, pulls out a gun, and points it at his head. His wife walks in on him about to commit suicide. She is horrified. He then looks at her and then down, and he notices his one and only daughter by the age of 7 is by her side. The man ponders his reckless decision he was about to make. Moments later he and his family are holding one another sobbing in each others arms. A few days later the man goes back to the bar and shoots everybody there. Shocked and afraid, he curled up into a ball and regretted his decision. An hour later the police arrived and he was sentenced to life in prison for 3rd degree murder. His wife moved on and started a new family with his former best friend, and his daughter vists him every first tuesday of every other month. The man still suffers from Tourette's and cannot control his ticks and rots in jail. He continues to scream random obscenities for the rest of his life with no parole.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

What do you call a something with no limbs? a snake

thumb_up thumb_down -15

What did the kid with no arms or legs get for christmas? A Wii.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Roses are red Violets are blue Flesh is green When the dead start to rise you're on my team

thumb_up thumb_down -15

why couldn't the girl make her bed? she is homeless.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Q: Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? A: He had no arms Q: Why did the frog fall out of the tree? A: He was stapled to the monkey's face

thumb_up thumb_down -17

What do you call a person who walks but doesn't run? A power walker What do you call a person who runs but doesn't walk? Someone running to the nearest bathroom holding there crotch.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

What do you call a black pilot? A pilot you racist bastard..

thumb_up thumb_down -17

RUN

thumb_up thumb_down -17

what do you get when you cross a turkey with a goat? nothing you can't cross to genetically different spieces stupid

thumb_up thumb_down -17

why did jimmy stop eating his breakfast two Penn state officials knocked at the door

thumb_up thumb_down -17

It's The Only Crayon The illustrator had?

thumb_up thumb_down -17

What do you call 20 Investment Bankers buried to their necks in sand? A team building exercise at the beach sponsored by an Investment Bank.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Goats are like toilets, I shit in them

thumb_up thumb_down -17

A man walks into a bar, furious that his son had been knocked down by a car and was now in hospital with a fractured leg and concussion. Another man, who sits on a stool at the end of the bar, is playing with his drink and wondering if his wife had made a chicken curry, since she said she would for tonight's dinner.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

What's the difference between ten dead babies and a Ferrari? There's no Ferrari in my garage.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Your mother is so fat that when she sits around the house she is likely to be there for some time.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Why did the chicken cross the road? It didn't it got hit by a speeding moped.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Why the babie was not drinking his milk? He was dead.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Man walks into a bar, Has a few drinks and goes home.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

A young man walks into a bar. A complicated chain of events leads to him marrying the owner's second cousin's half-niece-in-law.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

what did the pumpkin muffin say to the blueberry muffin? nothing, because muffins can't talk.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

How many holes can you poke in my chest, When my chest is by far the best If you believe you can stab Then then grab a knife...that you can grab Skewer my breast Which lies on the best chest And you will discover A man under your covers Yes, keep on pokin' Poke my chest with the knife you are strokin' And then swallow a chode because you are stupid.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Still Carrying Heavy Pet Food? That sucks

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops