Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." Then there is silence and a gun shot is heard. Back on the phone the guy says "I shot in the air and my friend heard it and moved. I think he's still alive." The operator says "Good that means he's still breathing and he's not dead."

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Two Texas farmers, Jim and Bob, are sitting at their favorite bar, drinking beer. Jim turns to Bob and says, "You know, I'm tired of going through life without an education. Tomorrow I think I'll go to the Community College and sign up for some classes." Bob thinks it's a good idea, and the two leave. The next day, Jim goes down to the college and meets Dean of Admissions, who signs him up for the four basic classes: Math, English, History, and Logic. "Logic?" Jim says. "What's that?" The dean says, "I'll give you an example. Do you own a weed eater?" "Yeah." "Then logically speaking, because you own a weed eater, I think that you would have a yard." "That's true, I do have a yard." "I'm not done," the dean says. "Because you have a yard, I think logically that you would have a house." "Yes, I do have a house." "And because you have a house, I think that you might logically have a family." "Yes, I have a family." "I'm not done yet. Because you have a family, then logically you must have a wife. And because you have a wife, then logic tells me you must be a heterosexual." "I am a heterosexual. That's amazing, you were able to find out all of that because I have a weed eater." Excited to take the class now, Jim shakes the Dean's hand and leaves to go meet Bob at the bar. He tells Bob about his classes, how he is signed up for Math, English, History, and Logic. "Logic?" Bob says, "What's that?" Jim says, "I'll give you an example. Do you have a weed eater?" "No." "Then you're gay!"

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mat (telling anti joke): so you are stranded in a desert, right and kyle: no. Mat: no man i'm Kyle: no (kyle was later found dead)

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Knock knock. Who's there? There's no need to ask this question due to the fact that most homes are built with peepholes nowadays.

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What is 9+10? 19

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Q: what's yellow and can't use chopsticks. A: corn

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Whats hard and long and used to penetrate women? A hypodermic needle.

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what do you call a white man in a black neighborhood a minority

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How many Santa Clauses does it take to change a light bulb? Santa Claus isn't real.

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knock knock. who's there? interupting doctor. interupting doctor who....you have cancer.

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Why didn't John get a present for Christmas? Because John died eight months ago.

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In space, no one can hear you scream. Which means Xenomorphs are deaf.

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What did Jesus Christ say to John the Baptist? Nothing. He didn't exist.

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You go on Nero, he got all red, not sure if he is mad or ashamed or both, but we can all tell that man is jealous. Employee.

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Roses are red, My name is Dave, This poem makes no sense, Microwave.

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What happened to Grant when he did a cart wheel? Chuck had sex with Victoria

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Whats the difference between a dog and a bird? They both fly

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Five guys in white sheets chase a black man down the street. It is Halloween and all six people are close friends and enjoy goofing around.

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What's the difference between a Jew and a Boy Scout? Boy Scouts come back from camp

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What does a black guy get for Christmas? Everything you own

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what happens when y tell ur deff brother uve been sleeping with his wife..nothing

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Q:Whats yellow and on the floor in the bathroom? A: A Rubber Ducky

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Why was the man wearing all white? He was a part of the Ku Klux Kan.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, Haiku doesn't rhyme, And neither does this

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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