How do you wake up lady gaga? Poke 'er face.

thumb_up thumb_down -31

Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

thumb_up thumb_down -31

What did the kid with turrets say? Many swear words but he can not be blamed for this because he has a disease that make him unable to control many of the things he says.

thumb_up thumb_down -31

Do you know whats a joke? Something said or done to evoke laughter or amusement, especially an amusing story with a punch line.

thumb_up thumb_down -31

"Knock knock," "Who's there?" "Black man," "Black man who?" "Gimme yo money!"

thumb_up thumb_down -31

Bitch

thumb_up thumb_down -31

A clueless chicken walks into a bar. Now being cooked on the BBQ.

thumb_up thumb_down -31

Michael Vick walks into a pet shop. He buys a puppy and cares for it lovingly

thumb_up thumb_down -31

Knock Knock Who is there? *bang* The following story depicts the life and death of Bob:___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________then he opened the door and was shot in the face.

thumb_up thumb_down -31

What do you call a deer with no eyes? No eye deer

thumb_up thumb_down -31

What do we call Osama? Osama

thumb_up thumb_down -31

Why was Johnny sad? He had a frog stapled to his face.

thumb_up thumb_down -31

I used to be an adventurer like you. But then I retired and started a family.

thumb_up thumb_down -31

if you write treehouse backwards it spells gullible.

thumb_up thumb_down -31

what do you call cheese thats not yours? stolen, your under arrest

thumb_up thumb_down -31

Q:why is walmart so big? A:Years ago a man named Sam Walton had a vision for one stop shopping. And it goes without saying that being a one stop shop must mean you have a lot of inventory thus the size of Walmart is a lot larger to hold and support the increased mass of inventory .

thumb_up thumb_down -31

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple, the enslavement of blacks over hundreds of years.

thumb_up thumb_down -31

PENIS lol

thumb_up thumb_down -31

why did the chicken cross the road? cause kade touches himself at night

thumb_up thumb_down -31

What did spongebob say to patrick? Im ready! im ready!

thumb_up thumb_down -33

Why did the black man buy a watermelon? Because they're not free.

thumb_up thumb_down -33

What's worse than catching aids? - already having aids.

thumb_up thumb_down -33

roses are red, violets are blue, dandelions are yellow, tulips are pink, sunflowers are black and yellow, my dick is 13 inches long.

thumb_up thumb_down -33

When the sun goes down... Most of the guys pants goes down too. Just be straight XD

thumb_up thumb_down -33

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops