One day a black man went and bought a car with his own hard-earned money.

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How do you get a black man out of his house? you ring the doorbell.

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21 Ways to Annoy Everybody 1) Pretend to be one of the Bush family. Doesn't matter which. 2) Have an uncontrollable lusting for someone else every five minutes. 3) Pretend to be from different ethnic backgrounds every hour, and when people ask you about it, answer like a hillbilly would. 4) Act like a hillbilly. Period. 5) Improvise Italian operas. 6) Gossip about someone to their face. 7) Answer every question with a question. 8) Repeat yourself constantly. 9) Act like a member of the opposite sex. 10) Repeat yourself constantly. 11) Act like Mr. Flanders from The Simpsons. 12) Repeat yourself constantly. 13) Change what you repeat every now and then. 14) Use homonyms in your e-male that the spell cheque would knot sea as miss steaks. 15) Change what you repeat every now and then. 16) Talk to someone while looking at somebody else. 17) Employ in your casual banter extensive vocabulary that will befuddle thy contemporaries. 18) Change what you repeat every now and then. 19) One word: Caffeine. 20) Another word or two: Caffeine and Sugar. 21) stringwhateveryousayintoonelongwordsoitshardtomakeoutwhatyou'resaying.

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A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as that could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

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Q: What does the fox say? A: Nothing. Foxes cannot talk.

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Knock Knock Who's there? Your friend, George. Oh hi George, I'll be there in a sec.

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did you know hellen keller had a dog? niether did she

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There's two muffins in an oven, the first muffin says "Woah, it's really hot in here!". The second muffin says "Oh my God! A talking muffin!"

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What's the best way to anger a Muslim? Key his car in front of him.

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How do you turn a dishwasher into a snowblower? Give her a shovel

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WHY ARE WOMEN SO HARD TO SLEEP WITH? Because the men are always hard while sleeping with them

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Why didn't the Irishman walk into the bar? Beacause he had killed himself the previous night as a result of his alcoholism.

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What happened to the lion which escaped from the zoo? It was successfully recaptured.

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ask me if im a door yes

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Duck: got any grapes? Lemonade Seller: no the duck waddeld away and never came back for the guy has no grapes

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Why didn't the man buy the sportscar? He couldn't drive stick

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What happens if you type "Michael Jackson" divided by "Friends" on a calculator? DIVIDE BY 0 ERROR.

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What's funnier than 24? Nothing, 24 is just a number. There's is nothing humorous about it. Go away.

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What did the girl say to the other girl? Nothing. She got hit in the head with a pineapple

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Roses are red Violets are blue I'm going to murder you Did you look behind you?

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How did the Jewish husband and stay together forever? They didn't. They ended up in divorce like 50% of all other married couples due to irreconcilable differences.

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Why did the little girl pull her hair out? She didn't, It's a side-effect of the chemotherapy.

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What do you call a bunch of hobos having sexual intercourse? A soup kitchen

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(A man goes to visit his neighbor) Knock! Knock! ...................... ................... ................ ............ he walks back home

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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