Why was the baker rich? Because he had a lot of money

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A mother had three kids: 1st kid- “Mom, why did you name me Daisy?” Mom- “Because when you were a baby a daisy fell on your head.” 2nd kid- “Mommy, why did you name me Rose?” Mom- “Because when you were a baby a rose fell on your head.” 3rd kid- “Blahblahblahflismdjsk” *makes retarded noises* Mom- “SHUT UP BRICK!”

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So there were these three guys on a plane, one with a ruptured hernia, one with a stomach infection and one with a raging case of gingivitis. Half way through the flight the pilot said, "unfortunately we will not it make to our destination... we are crashing." The three men then went to get the parachutes. they then say that there was only two. the man with the ruptured hernia picked one up and threw it out the door and pushed out the guy with the stomach infection. The guy with the raging case of gingivitis said, "why did you do that... we could have used that parachute!" the man with the ruptured hernia responded, "taco." and jumped out of the plane. the pilot then goes on the intercom and says," sorry. false alarm. we will not be crashing, please enjoy the rest of your flight."

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What's the different between a blond and a brunette? Blondes taste better when cut into small pieces and fried in a skillet.

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Why did the little girl fall off the swing? Because she had no arms. Why couldn't she get up? Because she had no legs.

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How many electricians does it take to screw on a light bulb? 1

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Your momma is so dumb that her IQ is 3 standard deviations below that of an average person.

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What do you call a German who roasts Jews for a living? A comedian.

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Why did the girl fall out of the swing? She had no arms.

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I always used bra`s so I guess you know, nice I guess. Can you please stop it? I like know I am telling but my mind wont like accept it, and I would just like to shut off the laptop, but I want to keep chatting with you for just a bit more.

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What's the best way to anger a Muslim? Key his car in front of him.

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An overweight person falls down the stairs.. They had to be taken to A&E as they suffered very serious injuries.

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Knock Knock Who's there? Cindy Cindy who? No it's Cindy Lou Who!

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What do you call an blank test? an F

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What does a blonde say when she wants to order a large pizza ? "Hi, I would like a large pizza, please."

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Two biscuits were sitting in an oven. One says to the other hows it going, the other says nothing because he knows that biscuits can't talk.

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knock knock whos there? i dont know arent you supposed to get the door?

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What's scarier than the most horrifying monster you can think of? The thought of Donald Trump becoming president!

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How come Billy can only swim in circles? His right arm and right leg were amputated because he scraped his left arm.

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a blond readhead and a brunnett were driving to Miami, they saw a sign for next exit Miami, turned off the exit went to the beach did some shopping and all had a great time together.

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Last words of a redneck - "Hold my beer and watch this"

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What do you call a dead blond in a coset? Last years hide and seek winner.

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The Princess is in another castle

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Knock Knock. GO AWAY!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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