How many tortoises does it take to change a light bulb? One. Just don't expect it to be done quick.

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How many Jews can you fit in the car? 4 in the seats and 6 million in the ashtray.

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What do you call a Black man sweeping the floor? A janitor.

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Whats worse than getting hit in the face with an axe? Getting hit in the face with two axes.

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You were born.

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If you walked into a grocery store right in the middle of Cuba what won't you see? The missing Malaysian MH370 Boeing.

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im @ work, LOL.

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Don't turn around when you're talking to me. Why? You will walk off of that cliff

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What did the cripple wish for when he saw the shooting star? A toothbrush.

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A car walks into a bar.

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How much is that doggy in the window? It's not for sale....it's waiting to be euthanized.

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Sharvil has aids 4 times

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it was dark outside so u know what i did....went to sleep

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Whats the difference between a house and a mouse If you think about it , quite a lot really

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What do Whitney Houston and MTV have in common? They both REALLY died in the 90's.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? He didn't because he got hit by a car because he wasn't aware of the dangers of not looking both ways. Bufoon

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Why do blonde girls like penis? Because it tastes good

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Once upon of time there was 2 boys named Bucky and Thorn. They were best of friends and always came up with amusing adventures. So one day, during summer time before high school senior year, Bucky and Thorn went to go hiking on the mountain called Mt. Saint Lasik. It was the tallest mountain of the city. The city was called "The City of Dreams" because everyone had a dream that one day they will accomplish their goals. Well Bucky had a goal and his goal was to be the youngest to ever climb the mountain. However, Thorn was jealous because he as 11 toes. Since he can't hike they decided to go camping at Walala National Park. One day they saw a big huge bear named Pervus. Pervus told them that they were not allowed to be there. Thorn told Pervus to shut the hell up because he can't hike mountains. A girl came suddenly showed up. It was a girl named Sally. She was half black, white, Spanish, ad French, and she could sweet talk bears. Pervus said "Now it's time to boogey woogey woogey" and began dancing like a maniac. Police arrived. Officer Caleb Johnson was in the scene to investigate. "Where were you at the night of April 24th?" To which Bucky replied "To what do I owe pleasure of speaking?" Harry, his front door neighbor stole the cop car and drove off to New Guinea. God knows how or why Harry showed up. Coincidentally, Sally decided it was time to leave. Everyone left utterly confused. The End.

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A guy walks up to a girl and says: " hey can I have your number so can I have your text you later?" she says " no" he says " why ?" she says" guess" He says " look if you don't like me thats okay, " he gets up and walks away, turns out she doesn't have a cell phone, she was gonna give him her house number to call.

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pickles are green infection is yellow all the girls i know call me a good fellow

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Kid 1: Mama why is my name Daisy? Mama: Because when you were born a daisy petal fell on your head! Kid 2: Mama why is my name Rose? Mama: Becuase it was a nice name.

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Roses are red Violets are blue I'm homosexual And so is my boyfriend Jeremy, with whom I have shared countless evenings of joy and laughter.

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GO CHARLIE TO CANDY MOUNTAIN. Charlie is a unicorn and unicorns are not real they are mythological creatures. They do not breath becuase they where never alive unless you do drugs(mr craig) that is the only way to see them. And drugs leed to lose of money, loss of money = broke.Broke = no home. No home= death. So who believes in unicorns??

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How many dead babies does it take to paint a car? It depends on how fast you drive.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops