- Anti Joke

why is ginger kid so sad? Because his all family was killed

Why couldn't the grandma remember what she did last night? Because she has Alzeihmers and grandmas don't do anything.

?"i'm so turned on right now." - horny light bulb

A man walks into a bar... "OUCH", he says for no apparent reason. He then buys a beer.

How are friends and bananas alike? If you peel their skin and eat them they die.

Why is little johnny sad? He won the lottery but then found out the next day he had cancer and cried in a corner.

Q: What's the meaning of life? A: A bush, have you ever been dragged through one? It hurts.

Why did the woman drown in the bathtub? Her husband was holding her under.

what did the boy in the blue hat do? wear his blue hat

How many alzheimers patients does it take to screw in a light bulb? To get to the other side

People always say if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say Anthony at all. Mimes must be full of hate.

During english, we started talking about Attention Deficit Disorder when... OOOOOOOOOHHHHHH SHINY... wait what were we talking about

What did Stephen Hawking say to the prostitute? A several garbled and mostly inaudible comment that she could not understand.

What do you call a deer with no eyes? No eye deer

I used to be an adventurer like you, but then I was raped by a giant scorpion...

what's worse than finding an worm in your apple? Finding HALF a worm in your apple.

I like food. But what's more than that it is necessary for survival. ASIAN!!!!

Why did the sloth swing from the tree? It hung itself.

Whats green and has wheels?? - Grass, I lied about the wheels

What did the guy say to the girl when he was holding a tool? You're a tool????

Why did Sally sell seashells by the seashore? Because she has no arms and couldn't find a job.

What are the similarities between aaron ash and a cow? they both have 7 stomachs.

I've got a dig bick. You that read wrong. You also read the second sentence wrong.

Teddy- Last Thursday, A nice man named teddy was laid off at his local police department. Teddy was depressed, and mad at himself for his own failure. Teddy went to the library and found a book on Suicide. The librarian asked if he had his library card. He said yes, and presented it. The librarian scanned the card and checked out his book. Teddy went to his home and read a few chapters in his book, he found it useful. He then traveled to a firearms store and purchased a handgun. The clerk said that there was a sale on 40 count packages of the bullets he was buying. He said no thank you; I will only need one bullet. Teddy paid and went on his way home to find some peace. He did not find it………………… Because there was an annoying mocking bird outside his window. Teddy knew of this, and used his new weapon to shoot the bird. He only needed the one bullet because he was an ex-police officer, and had good aim. Teddy then used his new found knowledge on the topic of suicide, and wrote a remarkably well written article for a magazine he had interviewed for. Teddy knew that the prompt (suicide in the United States today) was very challenging, and he was compelled to hear how well he had done. The article landed him a new job as a writer for the magazine. On Friday, Teddy started his new job, and was delighted to learn that his new office was complete with a window that over looked the whole town. What a view, he remarked. He then threw himself out the eight story window, and landed on a homeless blind man. The homeless blind man had a coat full of newspapers to keep him warm in the winter time. And the padding suppressed the lethality of Teddy’s fall. He remarked how ironic it was that the homeless person‘s warm coat would never keep him warm again. Teddy laughed, and continued on with his fulfilling day until the police arrested him at 5:13 in the afternoon. He was a dashingly handsome toaster that supplied the town with lots of warm bread. So the police released him. And teddy and the Hooker lived happily ever after. Saturday, Teddy’s relationship with the hooker began falling apart. He was drinking now, and every now and then he came home a little too drunk. He beat and raped her………….. And nine months later they had a beautiful baby boy named Sam. They nurtured Sam till the ripe old age of 16. (Unfortunately, nurture for Teddy meant more rape and beating) For Sam’s 16th birthday, he was lead to the basement for a surprise party, where he was tripped into a wood chipper and ground into a fine pulp. Teddy added a blend of chili powder and sour cream. The hooker suggested that he should add some pickled jalapeño juice, but Teddy argued that it would be too spicy and ruin the chili. But the banana commented that he could add extra sour cream if the spice was to over whelming. Teddy trusted bananas, and added the pickled jalapeño juice. He then entered the chili in the local chili bowl competition and won second place. He was once again disappointed in his work, and went on a rampage killing all the bananas that ever betrayed him. Despite his good looks and practical use, Teddy had to face the continuances of his actions. He was discharged from his position at the local police department. Sunday, Damn, thought Teddy, the library’s closed on Sunday. The End

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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