One day a boy asks his teacher what blue velvet is then the teacher says "we don't ask questions like that in my class go to principal's office now"so the boy goes to the principal's office and then the boy asks "what is blue velvet"then the principal says"no one says that in my school get out" so the boy goes home and asks his mom what is blue velvet then his mom says you don't say stuff like that in my house get out!so the boy see's the Mayer. So the boy asks the Mayer what blue velvet is then the Mayer says no one says that in my town get out of my town! So the boy see's a man and the boy goes to the man and the man asks what happend to you and the boy says well I got kicked out of school kicked out of my house and got thrown out of town just because i asked what blue velvet is! So the man tells the boy that there is a lady across the street. So the boy is in the road and then the boy gets ran over and dies. So the lesson here is look both ways before crossing a street

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Chuck Norris doesn't call the wrong number. He calls the right number.

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What's worse than finding a Worm in your Apple? being Mauled to death.

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Who's worse: Ghandi or Hitler Answer: Hitler

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Did you hear the one about the streetlight? It only came on at night.

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In Soviet Russia, there was a movement to be renamed into the Russian Federation, which passed on December 25, 1991.

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Q: Where did Sarah go when the bomb exploded? A: Everywhere.

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Do you like fishsticks? Yes I personally think they are high in saturated fats, but to each his own Oh I thought you were asking if I was homosexual

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Why did the boy fall off the zipline? He had no arms.

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Why did the Muslim cross the road? He was on fire and he needed to get to the lake on the other side of the street to put himself out.

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What do you get when you cross a pig and a cactus? A godless abomination that violates every ethical standard known to man.

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You sick fiend

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Q. What has two legs and is covered in red stuff? A. Half a dog

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my girlfriend had a weird fetish, she used to dress up like herself and act like a bitch all the time.

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What did the apple say to the banana? Nothing, apples can't talk

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what do u call a guy with 4 nipples? Hairy Styles

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When life gives you lemons Unless it gives you sugar, water, and a cup your lemonade will suck

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How do you make an apple puff? Put the apple in a large pan with some water. Cover and cook gently for 20-25 minutes until soft. Add sugar and nutmeg to taste. Transfer to a bowl and leave to cool. Cover with pastry and bake until well-risen and golden.

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Whats long and hard? a baseball bat

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A dog got into a gingerbread house. She ate some and brought some to the basement it got on the couch!

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Guy 1: Why did Captain Hook die? Guy 2: Because he wiped his anus with a hook? Guy 1: No, because everyone dies.

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Two muffins are sitting in an oven they say nothing to eachother because they are muffins and cannot speak if they did they would most likely be taken by the US government and studied and assumed to be alien life forms but anyway the muffins were taken out later and presumably eaten

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What's big, red and delicious? A prune. I lied about it being big, red and delicious.

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What do you call a black man eating a chair. I don't know and this is highly unlikely because chairs are inedible therefore this circumstance is impossible.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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