What is small, red, and can't fit through a doorway? A baby with a spear through its head. Posted By: Lram

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Why did john have to have back surgery He needed his back "screwed" up

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Knock knock. Who's there? No one, because your house burned down.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

I'm trying to find out how many people in the world have Alzheimers, do you? No. Bananas.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

How many seeds does a watermelon have? None. It is seedless.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

What do you call a black man flying a plane? A pilot, you racist.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Theres a blonde and a brunette at a party. The redhead is left out because she has no soul.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

A paraplegic walks into a bar.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

What's brown,green got four legs and can fall out of a tree and kill you? A snooker table.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Pianos.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? getting your ball sack ripped off with a grapple hook

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Random link time! http://www.booksie.com/thrillers/novel/declan_mckimm/pure-evil

thumb_up thumb_down +17

A man with Tourette's syndrome walks into a bar. Because of his disease, he shouts unexpected profanities across the room, and everybody in the bar bursts into laughter. The man cannot handle the humiliation anymore and goes home. He opens a drawer in his bedroom, pulls out a gun, and points it at his head. His wife walks in on him about to commit suicide. She is horrified. He then looks at her and then down, and he notices his one and only daughter by the age of 7 is by her side. The man ponders his reckless decision he was about to make. Moments later he and his family are holding one another sobbing in each others arms. A few days later the man goes back to the bar and shoots everybody there. Shocked and afraid, he curled up into a ball and regretted his decision. An hour later the police arrived and he was sentenced to life in prison for 3rd degree murder. His wife moved on and started a new family with his former best friend, and his daughter vists him every first tuesday of every other month. The man still suffers from Tourette's and cannot control his ticks and rots in jail. He continues to scream random obscenities for the rest of his life with no parole.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

willam dafoe

thumb_up thumb_down +17

two hippo's were in the lake. The water was up to their eyes. What did one hippo say to the other? I don't know why but i keep thinking it's tuesday.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

why was the teenage girl crying? She was molested as a child

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Roses are gray Vilots are gray im a dog

thumb_up thumb_down +17

A man walked into a bar. He said ow.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Why did little Timmy fall off his bike? His pace maker failed.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

What do a turtle and an eagle have in common? They can both fly. Except for the turtle.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Why did Jonny commit suicide? Airplanes dont have feet.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

I once had a friend We had our arguments, and went our separate ways.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Roses are grey Violets are grey I am colorblind I hate my life

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Knock Knock. Who's there? Your landlord your being evicted we need you out in 2 weeks.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops