Q: How many elephants can fit inside a Volkswagen Beetle? A: Four.

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My two friends Larry and Paul are both race horses. They were getting ready for a big race to quolify them for the Kentucky durby. BANG! The race started! What. Close race! First it was Larry then Paul then Larry then Paul! And finally Larry came out and won it! Paul went to the winners circle and congratulated Larry. He said "hey great job Larry but next time after you come back from touring will you let me win?" Larry says "oh! Of course this couldn't get between us! We're like two peas in a pod. Closer then bread in a basket. We're best friends"... So when he came back from touring Larry said it was great! And promised let Paul win. BANG the race started! It was Paul then Larry then Paul then Larry won again. Paul was a little mad that he he didn't win but he went to congratulate larry anyway. Larry said next time he was deffinetly going to let Paul win, because he wasn't gonna let this get between them because they are two peas in a pod. Closer then bread in a basket, they are best friends. Then after Larry came back from touring he promised again he would let Paul win. BANG! The race started and it was Paul then Larry! Then Paul! Larry! Paul! Then larry won. Paul at this point furious went to the winners circle. He talked to Larry "Larry why didn't you let me win for the third time!? This is just your ego trying to win every time now!?" I didn't want them to fight so I chimed in "Larry, Paul! Please don't fight! Your two peas in a pod! Closer then bread in a basket! Your best friends!! You don't want to fight like this!" Larry turned to Paul and said "Hey look! A talking dog!"

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hold the planet Dumb ass well I'm doing something else right now dumb ass

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Have you seen Stevie wonders new house..... It's ok he hasn't either.

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Knock, knock. Who's there? Jesus. Jesus who? You're going to hell.

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A man walks into a bar. He orders a drink.

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Why did the black man buy a watermelon? Because they're not free.

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I wonder what happen to John? Oh John I know what happen to him. What happened to him then? He was playing on the bridge and fell off on accident. Is he okay? Damn women of coarse he is not okay!!!

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Q: Why did the Little girl fall off the swing set? A: She was Shot in the face.

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Why was the boy crying? His mother has terminal cancer, and his father does not have the financial stability to cover the cost of the surgery and keep up on house payments and buying clothes and food for the children. He will be living in a foster home in a matter of a week.

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Roes are red, Violets are blue, This poem doesn't rhyme, You're entire family has died. The plane that they were on went down due to a flock of geese getting sucked into the engine. They were visiting you for your twenty fifth birthday and wanted to surprise you. there were no survivors.

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Whats the difference between a jew and a pizza? A pizza doesn't scream when you put it in the oven.

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In a stranded island, a plane crashes. Only one man survives. He asks himself "Where do I bury everybody else?" The others proceed to look at him strangely. He was the only surviving male.

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why did dinosaurs get extinct? i don't know i was not there to see it!!!!!!!!!

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Wanna hear something funny? David is addicted to mw3 like the other 3 million people!

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Statistically, 9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape

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Q. Why is Obama stupid? A. That's an opinion, therefore i cannot answer that.

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how do stick a dead baby into a blender and why???????? feet first so u can see the reaction on top.

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How many jews does it take to change a baby's diper? I don't know my wife will do it.

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Hello, I'm Mark and I have multiple-personality disorder. Don't listen to him, no he doesn't.

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What do you call a man with a diploma? A high school graduate.

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Your mother's breasts sag so low that the late great impressionist artist Salvador Dali mistook them for clocks.

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What did the black guy say to the white guy? The black guy said, "hello". They then proceeded to have a normal conversation.

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Chuck Norris was so good at karate that he held the middle weight world title for 6 years and was named fighter of the year by Black Belt Magazine. He also used his talents to start a successful acting and advertising career.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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