What's worse than a worm in your apple? Two worms in your apple.

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Q: Why didn't the blonde answer the call from her boyfriend? A: She had died in a rollover the day before.

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Why did the kid get on the bus. Because he had to go home

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What did Al gore say after he sold his TV Station to Arab Oil Money? HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. CHA-CHING!

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What do you call something that lives in a pineapple under the sea? I don't know, but that seems like an improbable circumstance.

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What do you call a man with no arms or legs on the doorstep? The Diabetes man

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What's the best way to cross the road? Ideally with your feet and legs because disabled people usually don't recommend their unfortunate state of affairs. However there are other alternatives which may or may not be better than common or garden walking, such as crane hire - crossing in a crane bucket in a safe spot; chauffer driven limos, which don't do the straight, direct route, generally; and being carried on a replica of Cleopatra's carry couch (but with modern suspension, unless you prefer the up and down motion).

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A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as that could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

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What happend when they were 3 guys in the air? They were skydiving

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how do you call a big red creature eating rocks? the big red rock eating creature.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, You just died, and I'm laughing at you and your extremely ugly face.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, Which is rather deceiving, Considering that the name 'violet' should naturally insinuate that the object it is describing is violet as well. Violet as a color is generally a deep shade of purple. Therefore, shouldn't the aforementioned plant, the 'violet', be violet in color as opposed to the blue color that is most widely accepted by the general populous?

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what do you call a bird that is gay bird a gaybird

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I started writing poetry the other day: POETR That's coming along nicely.

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A man walks into a bar, he asks if the bartender knows where Starbucks is. The bartender finds this exceptable and shows him the way.

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Yo momma's so black, when yo poppa rides her, he says "Look! I'm Hiccup!"

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How many bears does it take to screw in a light bulb? None; it’s a fairly menial task requiring little more than a single human hand. Requisitioning any number of bears for the effort would be an extremely dangerous “Rube Goldberg”-esque solution to simple problem.

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Why did the boy lick the window? He had Down's syndrome

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What's worse than 10 dead babies nailed to a tree? one dead baby nailed to ten trees

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Psychic wanted. You know where to apply.

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Q: What do you call a dog with no legs? A: A sad, unfortunate dog.

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Why did the long term smoker suddenly stop smoking? Because he had a heart attack.

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Why did Susie fall off the swing? Because she didn't have any arms. Knock knock. Who's there? Not Susie.

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A paraplegic wheels himself into a bar. The barman asks, 'What can I get you?' 'Nothing,' replies the paraplegic, 'I've just pissed myself and I need you to help me clean myself up.'

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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