Why did the monkey fall out of the tree Because it died

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What is worse than biting into an apple and finding a worm? Biting into your grandmother and finding a fish

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What has two legs? Half a cat

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Chuck Norris counted to infinity; by calculating the sum of a divergent series.

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What did the boy reading the book do? He kept turning pages and reading until he came to the end, closed the book, and put it back onto the book shelf.

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What did the taxi friver say to the man? "You forgot your briefcase"

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roses are red violets are blue sunflowers are yellow I bet you were expecting something romantic but this is just gardening facts

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How do you get a Jew to jump off a cliff? You kidnap his family and threaten to kill them if he doesn’t.

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Q. Whats does the kid and the dog have in common? A. The kid has Herpes.

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What did the biscuit say when he saw his friend get run over? Oh my god. Dave, are you ok? Somebody call an ambulance.

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What does a blonde's pussy taste like? The same as her brain, cabbage.

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God is like semen. They're both nouns.

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Q. What did the toothbrush say to the toothpaste A. Nothing you idiot there inanimate objects they can't talk

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Knock Knock. Who's There? Look through your peephole, you lazy bastard.

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A thought for the day: Life is like a game of chess. In the constant struggle for power, control and safe positions it makes no difference whether one plays white or black. As long as everything is planned and one stays a few moves ahead, everything will work out. Just don't annoy the queen, or she may send some very irate knights to fork you or a bishop to flank you. [L]

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What's wheels and has green? Lied, I grassed about the wheels.

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What happened to the man who poo'd too much? He started to eat less because his bowell movements started to cause him serious pain.

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In Soviet Russia my freedoms are severally restricted by communism.

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knock knock who's there? THE ROCKET POWERED FIST!!

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Why was Hellen Keller blind and deaf? Because she was a girl.

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Bob Saget

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Q: What do you call Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen. A: two things: Their names, and a doctor because they are both in need of a nutritionist.

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why was the little boy sad? he had a frog stapled to his face.

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Rosees are red Violets are blue I have schizophrenia and I do too

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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