Your momma's so not fat that when a school bus rolled by here house, she just sat there and turned on oprah.

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How are a chicken and a grape similar? They're both round. Except the chicken.

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Why did the Asian ace the test? Because she had worked very diligently, taken copious notses, and studied fervently until she had a thorough mastery of the topic.

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Who wants $300? Me too.

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What did the blind and deaf kid get for Christmas? Cancer.

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What did the doctor tell his patient? Unfortunately you have cancer.

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Knock, Knock! Who's there? Hatch! Hatchoo! Bless you!

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Simon says, "I'll give you a five second head start before I mow you down with my AK47."

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What did the lawyer say to the other lawyer? "I'm going to kill everyone you've ever loved you fucking cocksucker, you think you can get away with sleeping with my wife? You better think again kiddo I will take away everything from you until you are reduced to a smoldering ruin of what you once was, mark my words bitch."

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Q. What happened to the kid with 1 arm and 1 leg and 1 arm and 1 leg A. He had a seisure, then got hit by a bus

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What did the book say to it's reader? What are you stupid? People who read can't hear!

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A man walks into a bar holding a magic lamp. The bartender asks "what are you holding?" The man says "It's a magic lamp." The bartender looks at the man and scratches his head. It turns out the bartender has had a problem with lice in his hair. If you believe in a magic genie is going to grant any wishes you're reading the wrong story. Anyways, the bartender buys medicated shampoo and no longer has head lice. The guy with the magic lamp was totally worthless.

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A duck walks into a bar. The duck walks over to the bartender and orders a beer. "put it on my bill." he says. The bartender angrily grabs the duck and kicks him out of the bar, because the duck has done this many times, but has never once paid his bill to the bar. The duck is an alcoholic and is slowly ruining his relationship with his family.

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Why bouriquet laugh ? cause hes mom get hit by a bus.

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What has no eyes no arms no legs and the lack of a brain? You for liking this joke

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i was quite upset when my girlfriend called me a peodifile, what does she know, shes only 6.

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple ? Finding an apple in your worm !!! ... Wait, what ?

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What does little Tommy and a tomato have in common? They are both vegetables. Oh wait, a tomato is a fruit.

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What is invisible and smells like cheese? Cheese. I lied about the invisible part, because cheese is not invisible.

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hating his life and his job, the man leaves work early and while he is in the elavator he has thoughts about killing himself after returning to his apartment he turns on the TV and grabs his gun out of the drawer. sitting in a chair with a gun to his head he looks at the TV and realizes that his office building has just been hit by a 747 piloted by Al-Quida members. Suddenly the man realizes that maybe he has something to live for and decides not to kill himself.

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ronald wants to join a gym, they tell him to lose 20 pounds before coming back or else.....

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Why is Timmy afraid of x-rays? The last time Timmy had an x-ray, the radiation was too much for him, giving him terminal cancer, which also explains why he will die in the next 24 hours.

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What has an orange t shirt A dick I lied about the shirt

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Q: Whats Red And Has Socks? A: An Apple, I Lied About The Socks..

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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